Saturday, 24 March 2012

The Second Realm 1.4: Touching the Void

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Van Raighan's Last Stand

4. Touching the Void

Rel's cheeks burned. Laughing, Dora skipped away down the brow towards the grey sprawl of Vessit. Skipped, when she hadn't skipped since being Gifted her Four Knot almost ten years ago. Unable to help himself, Rel met Taslin's eyes. Her mirth faded like the pantomime it was, replaced by the kind of blank expression a Wilder should have.

Dora's quip hung in the air between Rel and the Gift-Giver. Aren't you paying a little too much attention to Taslin's looks, Relvin? All he'd done was ask Taslin to cover up a bit more when they went into the town. For the fortnight of their journey, the Wilder had never been without at least some patch of bare skin, always provocatively placed, despite the chill early-spring weather and the obvious discomfort it caused her. It was as if she had given up on trying to win Rel over and instead settled for keeping him constantly uncomfortable.

Heaven alone knew what the people of Vessit would think when she walked into town. The new settlement snuggled colourfully up against the concrete and glass of the abandoned old city. Beyond, the sea glistened under shafts of sunlight slicing through broken cloud, low enough to sting the eyes. But for the faintest hint of a twist where the shore cut up to the horizon, there was no sign that the First Realm ended a bare handful of miles out from the coast.

Rel studied the view, picking out the circling of birds over the water, and nearer but still tiny, the figures of beachcombers, dark on pale sand. Whisper-soft, the rustle of expensive fabric told him Taslin had stepped to his side to share the view. Rel closed his eyes, sighing through his nostrils.

The Gift-Giver said, "Forgive me, I don't understand why Dora laughed." For once she sounded like a Wilder, her voice flat and dead. "It was a joke?"

Rel took another deep breath, relaxed his jaw. "She was teasing. It's... hard to explain."

"I understand teasing. Saying things that make the hearer uncomfortable." Taslin frowned, her acting flawless as she finished, "Why would you be uncomfortable with paying attention to my looks?"

"She's..." Rel could feel his cheeks heating up again. It was all too easy to forget the creature standing next to him wasn't human. Was she, too, poking fun at him? Fists clenched at his sides, he glared down the hill at Dora's retreating back-

- And sight snapped into alignment with a remembered Clearviewing as she turned to look back up at them, laughing. The ribbon Taslin had used to tie up Dora's bouncing ponytail - newly straightened and stretched under Taslin's ministrations - fluttered in the breeze, just as it had in the viewing, two weeks earlier, that had sent them on this journey. At least, as far as Rel was any judge, it had. The odds were good, either way, that somewhere in the city ahead, Rissad Van Raighan was still at large. They were on the right track.

Turning to Taslin, Rel said, "Never mind. This is the first part of my Clearviewing. We'd better get a move on."

Hindered by her scandalous, figure-hugging dress, the Wilder stumbled as she followed him down the slope. "You didn't answer my question."

"It's not important."

Dora, coming back uphill to meet them, frowned as she overheard. "What's not important?"

"I asked why Rel was uncomfortable with the way I look." Taslin's clear, incisive tones cut through Rel's mumbled 'Nothing'.

Dora giggled, "Go on, Rel, why don't you explain? It's a mile or two to Vessit yet."

He stared at her, and it was a moment before he realised his mouth was hanging open. He closed it. Blandly interested, Taslin looked on, her regard heating his cheeks yet again. Rel reached up a hand to the back of his neck, tugged at his collar, conscious of the damp chill of beading sweat. There was a childishness to Dora that he didn't remember even from when she was still a child.

Trying not to mumble, he said again, "It's not important. Let's keep moving." He walked past her, head down. Would she notice the set of his jaw? If she did, was she even still capable of understanding he wanted the subject dropped?

"You can't walk and talk at the same time, now?" Dora bounced along at his side. From behind, he could feel Taslin's interest tickling between his shoulders. In a sing-song tone she must have learned from his sister, Dora said, "Aren't you even going to say why you don't want to explain?"

Rel gave a silent curse. "Why don't you explain, if it matters so much?"

"Oh, no. I couldn't do that." She giggled again, skipping sideways so that she could face him as she moved. "You should never explain your own joke."

Rel saw the opportunity. "Some joke. Jokes are supposed to be funny." It was rude, but maybe if he returned fire she'd shut up. That sometimes worked with Pevan.

"Taslin laughed." Dora's expression was so alien on her face that Rel, catching a glimpse out of the corner of his narrowed eye, had to look again to be sure. She was actually simpering. This from the woman who shouted at Pevan and Rel all their childhood at the faintest hint of a smirk.

"Yes, because Children of the Wild are famous for their ability to understand First-Realm humour." As soon as the words were out of Rel's mouth, he regretted them, his flushed cheeks burning even higher. There was no mistaking the childish tone of the snipe.

To make matters worse, Taslin spoke, in a voice smooth with the assurance of experience. "In truth, Rel's right. I was taught that it's good manners to laugh when humans do."

He couldn't help himself. "Not always." Though he made a deliberate effort to un-hunch his shoulders and walk straight, he knew he sounded sullen.

"Stop changing the subject." Dora poked him, hard, in the arm. The gesture threw her balance off and she stumbled on the thick grass. Automatically, Rel put out a hand to steady her, but as soon as she was on firm footing again, she pouted. "You owe Taslin an explanation."

Too much to hope for gratitude, then. "I don't owe her anything. Why do I have to explain?"

Her glare took on a harder edge. Was she actually serious? "Your mother raised you to be polite, didn't she? I should know. I helped." The smirk she treated him to made it hard to take her seriously, even if she might genuinely think he was being unnecessarily rude.

Rel made a tentative attempt at mirth that rang in his ears like the wheeze of an asthmatic donkey, and cursed himself for the lack of confidence. The same lack sapped the humour from his voice, left him sounding outright belligerent. "Okay, there's no way you're acting like this because of my manners. What are you trying to get me to say?"

"Honestly, Rel!" She tutted him, as if she'd suddenly turned from his sister into his mother. "It's my job as Four Knot to ensure smooth and polite relations between humans and Children of the Wild. Most especially the Gift-Givers. Why shouldn't I take an interest in your appalling manners? It's only a question. Really, I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this."

Despite the twinkle dancing in Dora's eye, Rel judged it better not to remind her she wasn't a Four Knot any more. Teeth-gritting she might be in this mood, but at least the melancholy that had dogged her through the journey had lifted. He stopped, turning to face her with his arms folded. "Look, if I explain will you shut up about it?"

"So you admit there's something to explain, then?" She laughed, her demeanour shattering instantly as she spun, part-way through a step, to face him. She finished up with a stumble backwards and Rel had to reach out a hand to stop her falling flat on her backside again. However much she deserved the indignity.

"I'll answer the question Taslin asked. That's all." There was no helping it; with Dora stood below him on the slope, he had to bow his head to look at her, and combined with his clenched jaw the effect left him sounding sullen again.

The Wilder had stopped with considerably greater dignity. With the hill on her side, she seemed impossibly tall, and harsh daylight cut her already-sharp features to hawkish wickedness. She said, "Thank you. I apologise for causing such a fuss, but I would be remiss in my duties if I did not continue to seek greater understanding of your people."

Despite the cool, almost affectionate tone of her voice, which surely sounded like sarcasm, she had to be sincere. Didn't she? As sarcasm, her words were impossibly sophisticated for a Wilder, except that nothing was quite impossible. Even by the standards of her species, Taslin set new records for confusing him.

He settled for a stiff nod to acknowledge her apology, and realised he didn't know where to begin. Why had he gotten so upset with Dora's quip? It was rude of the Four Knot to suggest he might find a Wilder attractive, but he couldn't exactly explain that to Taslin. He bit his lip, caught himself doing it, and stopped, feeling the odd urge to cover his mouth to make sure he didn't do it again. Instead, he clenched a fist, and said, "Sorry, could you repeat the question? I've lost track."

Dora laughed. Taslin gave her a brief glance and chuckled. Rel's blood went cold. Had they planned this? Taslin's face straightened quickly, but new suspicion kept Rel unbalanced as the Gift-Giver said, "Why are you uncomfortable with the way I look?"

"I'm not," he snapped. "I just... I think... It might be best if you covered up a bit more when we get into Vessit. We don't want to draw attention to ourselves." A bead of sweat tickled as it slipped down the back of his neck. Still, better than answering the question she could have asked. Rel turned back to the path and started walking again.

Dora's voice took on a definite edge. "That doesn't answer the question, Rel."

He sighed, though the sound came out more like a growl, and kept walking.

"Seriously, Rel, what's got into you?" Dora's words chased him, sharp but laced with concern, as if it was he, not she, who suffered the unknown effects of Wilder meddling. "It's just a question. You're acting as if you've something to hide."

Gagged by the turn of the Four Knot's mood, Rel missed the chance to snap the obvious retort - so were you, just a moment ago - and set his jaw. He wasn't about to apologise for her worry, however sincere it was. She had been teasing, after all, every bit as intensely as Pevan could when the fancy took her.

Instead, he glanced at Taslin, settling his explanation into careful order. Then, without breaking stride, he said, "Dora's first tease implied I might be attracted to you, Taslin." He turned his face back to the path as he stumbled over the Gift-Giver's name.

Taslin met his awkwardness with unfazed, uncomfortable clarity of thought. "You are uncomfortable being attracted to me?"

"Of course I am! You're a Wilder!" Turning on his heel to deliver his shouted riposte, he was satisfied to see both women flinch back. Hot shame for his consistent failure to remember Taslin for what she was - lethally dangerous and possessed of unintelligible motives - stifled restraint. "How could I do my job if I let you control me like that? And I'm not attracted to you. The idea by itself's insulting."

"But why? I chose this appearance for its attractiveness. Finding me attractive should be simple sound judgement." Taslin's stiff answer provoked a burst of laughter from Dora. The Wilder shot a puzzled frown at the other woman, but there was nothing stiff or rehearsed in the chuckle she shared.

Utterly bewildered, Rel seized on the one fact he could draw simple anger from. "You are trying to manipulate me! That's-" What? There was no law against it, nor could he accuse her of complex deceit when she could just claim ignorance of the logic that made her behaviour unacceptable. He resisted the urge to curse, or kick the ground in frustration.

"I wouldn't call it manipulation." Once again, the mirth had fled from her face with amphibian, slippery speed. "It's well-established that humans meet us with less suspicion and distrust if we take on attractive guises. Since my assignment with Dora required trust from the first, I attempted to maximise the effect."

"How is that not manipulation?" Rel demanded.

Taslin arched her eyebrow. "It doesn't seem to be working."

Dora laughed, the sound shrill enough that somewhere nearby a bird answered. Rel opened his mouth, then closed it again, riding down the urge to laugh himself. Taslin's accidental delivery of the joke was perfectly timed. More to the point, her argument was unassailable. He wasn't sure whether to be more afraid of the understanding that stood behind her choice of appearance or her apparent fluency in First-Realm logic.

Better not to press the matter. Ignoring Dora, he turned and resumed the walk into Vessit. Somehow, it didn't seem likely he'd be able to get Taslin to dress decently now.



Rel's mood sucked at the last hour of the walk to Vessit like mud. Dry footing, blue sky and the first wildflowers of spring failed to shake his sense that the curious stares of the women drove him forward. At least, for a wonder, Dora abandoned her badgering.

The town they entered was a far cry from neat, tidy Federas. Lacking local timber, Vessit was cobbled together from driftwood, beach stone and scroungings from the old city. The effect was striking, even riotous. A dwelling on the outskirts consisted of a waist-high, flared wall of lumpen stones in a dozen colours, topped by a flimsy structure of red-brown driftwood that rattled enough to make Dora jump when the wind struck it.

Before they could go into the old city in search of Rissad, propriety demanded they present themselves to the local Four Knot, particularly since they had a Wilder of Taslin's prodigious strength in tow - she hadn't even flinched as they came within range of the town's Stable Rods. Finding the official in question looked likely to be difficult, since the streets were all but deserted, so Rel set a brisk pace as they headed for the Warding Hall.

He was stopped short with a sinking stomach as Dora gave a fresh burst of giggles. Not good, if her mania was going to return with strangers around to see. Thinking quickly, Rel turned and said, "What's funny?" The words came out sharper than intended, but perhaps the sense of disapproval would quell her before she got too strange.

No such luck. Her eyes twinkling, she sang out, "Rel and Taslin, sitting in a tree-"

"Stop that!" It was all he could do to keep from jamming a hand over her mouth, so loud did her voice seem in the empty street. It would be a sorry farce if Vessit's Four Knot stumbled on them now and he had to explain that Taslin was a Wilder. Never mind trying to convince someone he'd never met that only a fortnight earlier, Dora had been the most ferocious Gifted in the First Realm.

As if to underline the point, she tittered again. "But it's tru-ue. I've seen the way you look at her."

Rel could feel his cheeks heating. Why couldn't she let it drop? Of all the things he'd had to put up with from Dora, this was the last he could have expected. Digging his fingernails into his palms only served to feed his anger, and he felt his lips twisting in a grimace. Fighting to keep his voice calm, and quiet, he said, "It's not true. You know it, and I deserve better than to have to put up with this from you."

"There's no need to be like that, Rel." Dora's manner had stiffened, but only slightly. Behind her, Taslin stared at him with outright alarm on her face. Dora's tone was reproachful rather than angry as she finished, "It's just a joke."

"No it isn't!" He punctuated the gesture with a sweep of his arm that made her flinch backwards, almost stumbling into Taslin. He stabbed a finger in the Wilder's direction. "She is not human. She is a monster, and the idea that I might be attracted to her is revolting. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you?" Dora rallied, eyes flashing, cheeks red. "You're the one who's being unreasonable here."

"Yes, because you're well known for behaving like a bratty twelve-year-old." Rel caught himself short, aware that if he gave his anger free rein he wouldn't get it back under control. Trying to work the edge out of his voice, he changed tack. "Dora, this isn't like you. They've done something to you and you need to acknowledge that you've changed." He reached a hand up to squeeze her shoulder. "You need to trust me."

She shoved his hand away. "Trust you? You are in love with her, and you're right, it is revolting. How can you keep up your duties like this? You're supposed to be against the Second Realm."

"You need to remember you're not my Four Knot anymore." As the words left his mouth, Rel realised he'd overdone it. Vulnerable and confused as Dora was, the loss of the authority she'd cherished was the worst of her wounds from the second Gift. If he backed down now, though, it would be to capitulate to the repugnant suggestion about Taslin, and the thought alone left a rancid taste in his mouth. He spun on his heel before Dora's brimming tears washed away his resolve. "I came here to do a job. I'm going to go and do it. You can follow when you've calmed down."

"Relvin-" Taslin's voice lacked its usual sharp edge, but he wouldn't have stopped for her even if she'd tried Compulsion on him. Long, stiff strides carried him down the street towards the dark shape of old Vessit while he tried to get his riled breathing under control. Dora had no right to talk about him like that and in the state she was in, she could hardly be relied on in the upcoming confrontation.

No footsteps followed him, though every dark window lining the street seemed to watch him as he passed, staring in accusatory shock. Loose roof shingles clattered in the wind, keeping him on edge while the wind itself made his skin prickle with cold. Better to hurry into the old city than try to find the local Four Knot, now; he didn't want to be the one who had to explain what had just happened, and without Taslin in tow, the introduction was nothing more than a formality. Rissad could be escaping his captors even now. Time was of the essence.

The streets stayed empty, but for a pair of matrons who treated him to the kind of hostile stare reserved by most people for suspicious strangers. Rel's stride stiffened further under their regard, enough that he stumbled, hating himself for it and cursing Taslin and Dora for making him so jumpy. As the locals turned a corner out of sight, Rel found himself hot-faced again for his weakness to Taslin's manipulation.



Eerie though the cracked streets and crumbling concrete of the old city were, the knowledge that he was alone settled Rel's nerves a bit. Hunger began to tug at his stomach. Stiff as the breeze had been on the hill above the town, the streets of old Vessit funnelled it into a wind that found its way through every piece of clothing Rel had on. Grit stung his eyes and left him spitting the earthy taste from his tongue. The mere act of looking around, trying to spot landmarks remembered from the Clearviewing that had led him here, became a trial.

In the viewing, Rissad had entered the caves leading to the Abyss through a tower that would have seemed modest by the standards of its time, but was now a monolith as daunting as any pre-Crash ruin. Brown and yellow brickwork quickly gave way to concrete and glass as the buildings reared up, higher and higher with each crossroads. Every concrete monster showed the scars of the Realmcrash, their glass cracked or missing, some leaning towards their neighbours, one whose upper storeys had collapsed leaving a shape like an imploring hand, reaching skywards in desperation.

At street level, though, they were all too much alike. Rissad's path could have led through any of them. Rel found a park that might have been the one he'd Seen Rissad crossing, now scattered bright yellow with the first daffodils of spring, but there was no way to tell which way the other man had gone from there. Resigning himself to a frustrating afternoon trying desperately not to blink against the wind, Rel opened his eyes and let the cold fingers of Clearsight pluck at his eyeballs.

The city attacked with a thousand clues to past tragedy. There was a grimy smear along the side of the nearest building, perhaps thirty feet up, and Rel could pick out the silt-swirls left behind when the Realmcrash tsunami receded seventy years before. He shivered, trying not to look at the dents and craters lower down in the concrete; any bloodstains were long gone, but Clearsight ripped away the merciful veil of time.

He pulled himself back to the task in hand, focussed on the tarmac at his feet. It, too, bore the signs of the wave that had killed the city, but searching the whole area for Rissad's footprints was a fool's errand. Nor could Rel find his route by peeking into the future; it would be too close to his own future for him to have any chance of seeing anything.

Instead, he searched for the details that would pull his disorganised memories of the original Clearviewing into coherent order and tie them to the streets he walked through. Where the city had begun to heal, he found clues; a particular weed, grown bushlike and spreading through the shattered paving of a park path; the rusted remains of a car, its wheels nestled amid a blanket of dandelions. A nook where the daffodils were beginning to die back identified this as the park Rel had Seen Rissad crossing.

Led by the sharp edge of trained memory, Rel took up Rissad's trail and headed roughly North, into the sunless grey canyons amid the highest towers. Clearsight remained unforgiving, telling him in exacting detail which cracks in the walls that loomed over him would eventually bring their buildings down. Silence became the ally that steadied his nerves; surely a collapsing building would roar enough warning to let him get away.

Then Rel found himself in front of a doorway whose glass panels were smashed to jagged teeth, the metal frame twisted past moving. The shape matched the memory of Rissad's route. Bending to squeeze between the sharp edges of the entry, he suppressed a shiver and tried to watch the back of his own neck as it cleared the glass. His flinch as his sleeve caught on a shard almost impaled him.

Inside, the lobby was a gloomy hole, speckled with reflections caught on odd shards of glass or bits of useless electronics. Rel's footsteps crunched and slipped on a floor that had probably once been slick marble and now lay hidden under a layer of dank silt. Clearsight showed him a maze of shadowed ridges that were the edges of footprints; Rissad's were easily identifiable for the flat leather soles that had replaced what little rubber scavengers had found and worn after the Crash.

Deeper into the building, light became replaced by the eye-crushing sensation of watching atoms move by their own infinitesimal radiation. The walls swum with nauseating waves of static matter that made him feel as if he was reeling to the sway of a boat. When he came to the staircase down which Rissad's footprints led, Rel almost rolled down it.

Below-ground, if anything, things got worse. As he adjusted to the chill pain of Clearseeing in darkness, Rel began to see the stresses that were slowly grinding the building above him to obliteration. Rogue strands of the future pushed into his vision; this wall would give, dropping that beam. Worse, he knew he could have estimated to the nearest ten how many tons of steel and concrete would fall as a result.

He almost missed the moment when the cellar gave way to caves. A thick steel panel, eight feet high and half that wide, had been torn clean through and bent out of the way; its twin lay on the uncut stone beyond, its microscopic structure oddly quiescent against the surrounding, stressed rock. The footing in the caves was rougher, but at least the lack of straight lines removed the impression that he walked on a floor sloped at angles the First Realm lacked words for.

Rel's footsteps scuffed back from the darkness ahead as drawn-out, bloated whispers. Lack of a breeze made the air lifeless despite a chill that was oddly soothing. It took the worst of the sting from his developing headache. Here and there, water glistened with reflected gloom, running silently down the walls. It was all Rel could do not to hold his breath.

A few signs remained that the tunnels had once seen human use - broken fittings in twisted steel dotted the walls, and in a few places there were still the remains of a crude artificial floor, metal grating wrecked by some effect or other of the Realmcrash. The destruction was too haphazard to have been deliberate, but where had the rest of the wreckage gone? It was unlikely to have been salvaged; any scavenger would have had the hefty doors first.

In tiny clues that would have taxed even most Clearseers, he followed Rissad's trail; a pebble that had scratched the floor as it rebounded from the other man's boot, a drop of water diverted from its path by grease transferred from his skin where he'd stopped to lean on the wall. Rel spared thought for a grim, tight smile. Let Dora and Taslin try to follow his trail this way. Even Taslin probably couldn't manage that.

He'd catch Rissad himself, and then there'd be no need to sort things out with the local Four Knot, and they couldn't humiliate him into apologising. Dora had provoked him. Anger was a fair enough response, even if he regretted lashing out quite so fiercely.

A flash of light - ordinary, honest-to-goodness, real light - brought Rel's mind back to the present. Just for the moment's relief, and to check he hadn't imagined it, he blinked away Clearsight. Darkness was like a warm towel about his face and shoulders, infinitely comforting. Even the strain as his eyes adjusted to pick out the faint glow of a distant, approaching torch was welcome. And torch it was, from the flickering. Where the cave turned the corner ahead, an orange glow began to rise, flecked with glimmers of white-gold where the walls were wet.

Rel took a deep breath and wriggled his feet in his boots to make sure they were squarely planted. No need for this to turn into a confrontation, since his job sent him here, but Wildren were never predictable at the best of times and the Wildren guarding the Abyss were already well outside the terms of the peace. He rolled his shoulders and stretched his arms out, conscious that a fortnight of sleeping rough had left stiffness that might well impair his agility.

He was just reaching the thought that this could be a town guard sent after him at Dora's behest when the torch rounded the corner, in the hands of something unmistakably inhuman. The Wilder moved smoothly across the tops of four stumpy legs that despite their tree-trunk proportions stuck out sideways like a spider's. Above that, a torso leaned forward, topped by an uncanny, triangular, thick-set head. Despite its imposing mass - the head, even bowed, barely cleared the roof of the cave- the creature made little more sound than Rel had.

Rel recognised it; it, or another of its species, had been the Wilder to capture Rissad, perhaps only a few days before. He let out his breath, took another. The Wilder stopped short well shy of looming range, and Rel told himself he wasn't really relieved. It was just nice to be able to look the thing in the eyes, or whatever they were.

It said, "Clearseer." Its voice was flat and bland, the voice of a Wilder not well-practiced at speaking to humans. Looking at it, Rel guessed it rarely needed speech to make its point. It went on, "I apologise. Humans cannot come further here."

The torch probably gave enough light to banish the worst effects of the darkness on his Clearsight. Rel stepped forward, pushing back into his Gift, fighting down the shiver of nerves. The Wilder opposite didn't actually move, but Rel clearly saw caution brace its stance. He said, "I'm acting on a Clearviewing I had two weeks ago. You've taken a human captive here?"

"Yes. He trespassed." It took the Wilder a long moment's pause to find that last word. It continued, "If you do not go back, I must arrest you as well."

Tentatively, knowing the Wilder would sense it, Rel looked a little way forward in time, trying to judge his adversary's capabilities. Clearsight should warn him of a coming attack, but Clearseers had died to sudden attacks before. This Wilder promised little danger, though, beyond the strength written in its frame. Rel said, "You have no power of arrest here. If you continue to interfere with my job, I will be forced to take you in for censure." Better not to think about the tangle that would create, since then he would have to make himself known to the Four Knot.

"You cannot go further. It will not be safe for you."

"So I've heard." The Wilder wouldn't pick up the sarcasm in Rel's acknowledgement. "Still, I'm a trained Clearseer and I know my job. Let me pass."

"I cannot do so." It managed a clumsy shake of its head. Rel frowned, suddenly conscious of how used he'd become to Taslin's fierce grace with the performance of human emotion. Still, there could be no backing down for the sake of this Wilder's awkwardness. Rel steadied himself and leaned forward slightly, braced for the lunge that would have to come next.

He pushed his Clearsight ahead in time again, searching for the direction that would keep him out of the Wilder's crushing grasp. In his previous Clearviewing, the thing had picked Rissad up as if he weighed nothing at all, but Rissad was no Clearseer. The creature in front of Rel would have weaknesses like any other of its kind.

Five seconds into the future, the lunge came, made unwieldy by the torch the Wilder didn't drop. Its arm would swipe across the passage, and if Rel didn't cling on it would throw him against the wall and knock him out. Rel took two of those seconds to measure the difference between going for the Wilder's right and left ankles - the right stood on looser footing, as the creature's attack shifted its weight left - then leaned forward, ready to drop.

The swipe came, and Rel threw himself down under it, judging exactly how low to go by the drag of air as the Wilder tried to lower its aim. Just barely, Rel kept his knees off the stone, shifting so he could drive his shoulder forward at the creature's shin. Impact shoved the leg back, twisting at the high arachnid knee, and Rel grabbed, lifting and straining to shift the Wilder's balance further.

It dropped the torch with a clatter and Rel had time to grab the second's future-sight that showed him the next blow chopping down. Above him, the Wilder was still off-balance, and through the shaggy leg-fur Rel could make out the shape of tendons under strain. While air surged in fraught eddies away from the arm descending on him, Rel risked an extra fraction of a second to waiting.

The torch guttered, painting the ankle that was his target a dark cherry-red that the most primeval part of Rel's mind read as purely evil. Just under six and a half feet away. He rolled sideways, feeling the Wilder's instinctive Second-Realm curse twist the Realmspace near the ceiling, and stabbed with straight fingers into the hollow at the back of its heel.

His fingers bent sharply as the shock travelled up his arm, but the Wilder's leg spasmed and gave way. Rel rolled again, came up spitting grit, and hopped backwards, clear, as the creature crashed to the floor with a bellow. Still wary, Rel leapt over the now-outstretched limb and gave himself some distance, ready for another round if the Wilder forced him to it.

The creature knew it was beaten, though, and its struggle to regain its footing was all backwards motion. It swept up the torch and dashed into the darkness with a surprising turn of speed given its limp. Few sentient Wildren were stupid enough to stand toe-to-toe with a Clearseer for long.

Rel let his breathing settle, a fierce, toothy grin on his face. He flexed his wrist and fingers, working the ache loose. It felt good, after two weeks of awkward diplomacy and provocation, to go through the simpler side of his job. He should, technically, be pursuing the Wilder and arresting it, but Rissad conveniently took priority.

The tunnel returned to the shifting, uneasy pattern of hard matter in darkness and Rel pressed on. The Wilder had scuffed some parts of the tunnel that might have hidden clues to Rissad's route, but there were few junctions and Rel only had to backtrack a couple of times. He gritted his teeth against the building headache and tried not to worry about facing Dora again.

Dizziness began to build as the cave walls continued to assail him with the suggestion of ripples and tremors. He focussed on the solid, steady feeling coming up through his boots, all but ignoring the confusing sights piling in through his ice-numbed eyes. Provided he paid enough attention to keep spotting the tiny clues - there, the shimmer of stone was muted by a fine layer of leather particles scraped from the bottom of Rissad's boot - he could maintain sanity by relying on senses his Gift didn't augment.

Clinging to the confidence that came from seeing off the Wilder, Rel went back over everything he knew about what he was walking into. The Gift-Givers prevented humans from coming to the Abyss, Taslin said, because it was dangerous. But the Wilder on guard had said Rissad had been arrested for trespassing. And Rel had seen with his own eyes the mysterious Witnessing that showed Rissad being beaten and left to starve.

Was Rissad really up to no good? All Rel knew for sure was that the other man had come here looking for something. It was easy to think that because Rissad's younger brother Chag had terrorised half a dozen towns on his northward rampage, Rissad had to be bad news. The Van Raighan name was tarnished with all sorts of dark rumours, but no-one really knew what Chag thought he was doing.

And the Gift-Givers were clearly doing far more than preventing humans falling into the chasm here. It was possible that Rissad's incarceration had resulted from a misunderstanding, but you could never rely on the simple explanation with Wildren, and there were too many unknowns to trust so innocent an answer. Rissad clearly knew something important about the Abyss.

Rel fought down a gurgle in his stomach that had nothing to do with hunger, the sound loud enough to echo faintly from the darkness. For the Gift-Givers to keep something like the Abyss so completely secret from humanity suggested there was something here they were really worried about, and whether it was a threat to them, humanity or both, he was walking towards it with only his wit to guide him.

Still, he'd look pretty pitiful going back to Vessit for help now. He had to at least bring back proof that the Children of the Wild were up to something at the Abyss. Resisting the urge to wince as his headache cranked up a notch, pulsing at the back of his eye, he rubbed a hand across his brow. To Clearsight in darkness, his skin was a night sky, sparkling with stars. Could it be very much further to the Abyss itself?

Disoriented as a fresh wave of distortion swept through his Gifted vision of the rock around him, Rel staggered, threw out a hand to steady himself against the wall. Long practice let him resist blinking, so he failed to miss the pattern in the illusion that looked like a curved sword-blade. When it scattered a spray of pebbles from the solid stone of the wall, Rel's blood went cold.

Clearsight revealed the new-cut faces of the chips just dislodged. His chance impression had sliced them effortlessly from the bedrock. It could only be wild power, Second-Realm power mixing erratically with First-Realm logic, and that meant a Sherim nearby. Nothing else could twist First Realmspace like that.

There were all sorts of reasons the Gift-Givers might want to keep a Sherim secret, and a similar number of reasons why Rissad might want to expose them. He was, after all, a Gifted, charged with defending mankind against the Second Realm. And if, unlike his brother, he hadn't betrayed his species, he had information Rel needed.

Light ahead allowed Rel the mercy of blinking away Clearsight again, relieving the growing sense of lifting weights with just his brain. This time, no sound of movement echoed warning to him, so, cautiously, he edged forward until the light revealed itself. The tunnel opened into a cavern whose floor, some fifteen feet below down a tricky, uneven slope, was dominated by a pool of greenish water. Glass-still, the surface of the pool seemed a slice cut out of another world, its edges too precise and eerily circular.

The light came from a torch standing straight up, apparently without support, half-way down to the pool. It looked as if someone had simply balanced it there on the rock, until Rel stumbled and slipped past on his way down the slope and saw that in fact the wooden shaft descended into the stone of the floor. It might have grown there, except that it was - very roughly - carved, and the rock around its base showed no sign of the crack that would give a plant purchase.

Cold, unpleasant things wriggled in Rel's gut as he remembered seeing the Wilder in Chag Van Raighan's Witnessing lowering Rissad into the ledge by the Abyss as if it was liquid. It had been solid rock when the Wilder released him, though, solid enough that Rissad had had no hope of escape save his Gift. Trying to reassure himself, Rel clambered back up the slope and pulled on the torch, almost earning himself singed eyeballs in the process. The shaft wouldn't budge an inch, except to bend close to snapping. His hands came away sticky with something that carried an acrid smell, the kind that seems to wield knives as it pushes up your nostrils.

Wiping his palms on his trousers just left ugly stains on the fabric and bits of fluff on his skin. He guessed the obnoxious treatment kept the torch from burning too quickly; closer inspection showed that there was no rag or straw at the top of the stick; it was the wood of the shaft itself that burned, far brighter and yet slower than a stick should. The whole arrangement suggested frightening new dimensions to the Second Realm danger ahead of him.

Whatever the treatment was, he didn't want it on his skin any longer than necessary. He washed his hands in the pool. Grit in the water stripped the sticky layer off his hands in moments, leaving them red-raw, stinging with abrasion and cold. His fingers trembled, and now he did rub them as he walked on, in a futile effort to get dry.

He passed through more lit caves, none of which had more than one other exit, and came to a tunnel where level concrete replaced bare rock after a few yards. Caught out by the change in footing, Rel stumbled, and suddenly he was looking out into fathomless darkness that could only be the Abyss. A draught that was more like a stiff breeze tugged at the damp cuffs of his shirt. Somewhere, water trickled. Torches, all planted in the now-familiar, sinister way, threw forlorn light against the distance across the void, barely touching the far side with the occasional glimmer.

The concrete clearly hadn't always been just a ledge; the edge was crumbling, as if torn free when the Abyss opened. Just looking at the drop beyond made Rel queasy. The sheer, brutal space of the place crushed him back against the back of the ledge. Nothing in his Clearviewings had prepared him for this - how could it, when two eyes were simply inadequate to capturing the sight?

The near-side wall was kinder, in that at least Rel could see where it curved over at the top. The Abyss had to close up only a few feet below the surface. The wall was scattered with the same snapped-off feet and ends of metal frames that had dotted the passages behind. More than anything else, it was those that showed him where the awe-inspiring concrete door from his viewing stood. Up close, it was even more impressive, a perfect flat rectangle vanishing into shadow along its upper edge.

In front of it, lying on the floor and straining to crawl away from the lip of the ledge, was Rissad Van Raighan. Every part of his twisted posture bespoke pain and desperation, his uninjured leg scrabbling at the concrete while the other, broken, trailed underneath it. As Rel came closer, he realised the Gatemaker's skin was almost grey with malnutrition, exhaustion and shock.

There was nothing wrong with his hearing though. As Rel's footsteps rang back from the chasm, Rissad twisted to look over his shoulder, then rolled onto his back with a cough that turned into a moan. The lie of his right arm betrayed his broken collarbone; an uninjured man only lay like that when pressed up hard against a wall. One side of his face was yellow-brown with the remnants of a bruise.

Rel stumbled, his legs unable to decide between keeping their steady pace to avoid offending the other man's pride or hurrying over to him in solicitude. By the time Rel righted himself, the question was largely moot, and he knelt with as much grace as he could muster at Rissad's side. Awkwardly aware of the frustrated anger behind Rissad's pain, Rel fell back on manners; he gave the injured man a stiff nod. "Gatemaker. I'm Relvin Atcar, Clearseer-"

"-of Federas. I've heard of you." Rissad's voice was hoarse. Rel pondered an oddity; in his viewing, he'd seen two faces for Rissad all the way through his incarceration, the 'hidden' one suggesting the Gatemaker had remained in total control, guided by some plan or other, throughout. There was no sign of that here. With a bitter grin, Rissad finished, "What brings you to my humble abode? Chag?"

Blinking, Rel stopped short of answering and swallowed. Rissad's mind was frighteningly agile, uncomfortably direct. Pain and debilitation made his face unreadable. Was he concerned for his brother? Bitter about Chag's choice of allegiance? How much did he know of Chag's activities? Better to avoid the question and hope the Gatemaker was too pained to notice. "How long have you been down here? I know they were holding you."

"Holding. Hah. Is that what they told you?" His fixed grimace twitched as if he was trying to sneer.

"I Saw it. Thanks to your brother." Watching Rissad's eyes widen, Rel was moved to pity. "He's in custody in Federas."

The Gatemaker managed to lift his head off the concrete enough to face Rel, his eyes revealed as a striking silver-grey. "No more deaths?" At Rel's nod, he laid back, his eyes closing. "I got here four days ago."

Impossible. Rel found himself glaring in anger at the injured man below him. He'd seen Rissad captured, then starving for a long time in Wildren captivity, sunk into the concrete of the ledge. He could see the sheer-sided oval hole where the Gatemaker had somehow used his Gift to cut himself free, and the heap of rubble where he'd smashed the rock still encasing his legs. That much of the viewing had been accurate. Could he have misunderstood the Clearviewing so badly?

Rissad must have seen Rel's consternation. "It's complicated. Which side are you on?" His frown told Rel only that the answer mattered to the other man, but not which 'sides' he meant.

"Why did they..." Rel waved a hand at the rubble. "Whatever it was they did. Why are you here?"

"Uh-uh." Rissad shook his head. "I'm not exactly in a position to make free with my trust. You even know what this place is?"

Rel waited, frowning.

"Go and take a Clear look over the edge. Take it easy, though."

Rel glanced at the lip of the ledge. Was it safe to walk on? A more frightening thought surfaced. If he put any distance between himself and Rissad... "How do I know you're not just going to Gate me out of here?"

The other man's face darkened. "If I wanted you gone, you'd be gone already. You think I couldn't put my Gate under you now?"

Something in Rel's stomach twinged. It shouldn't be possible for a man so badly injured to be threatening. Stiffened with wariness, Rel's legs trembled as he eased himself to his feet. Clearsight, or perhaps just hunger, brought a wave of dizziness with its headache, but he managed not to reel. The far side of the chasm sprang into subtle grey relief, a web of jagged cracks and creases spearing into the depths. At his feet, stress lines leapt out of the concrete, showing him safe footing, and the cracks that wouldn't drop him into the Abyss.

Without looking forward in time, he got the sense of what he was going to see at the bottom before he looked over the edge. The faint, evanescent colours of the rock on the far side twisted into alien spectra the further down he looked. A sensation very like the taste of nausea began to build behind his cheekbones. He started to feel the need to vomit out of his eyeballs.

There was no avoiding screwing his eyes as close to shut as he could without blinking as he knelt on one of the more solid-looking concrete protrusions by the edge and peered over. Realmlessness poured in through the cracks between his eyelashes, miserable, greedy and repugnant. It was like falling face-down in a puddle of stagnant water, but if you had to smell and taste and feel as well as see it with your eyeballs. And it stretched all along the floor - if there was any floor down there - of the Abyss.

Just barely, by some reflex of his lizard hindbrain, Rel managed to sway away from the edge. He prostrated himself on the concrete, forehead and hands pressed to its cool, smooth-worn surface to keep from rubbing his eyes. Coughing did nothing to ease the cramp of revulsion shocking through him, but if he did put his hands to his face he doubted he could keep from clawing his eyes out.

Breathing deeply when the cramps would let him, he counted out how long it took him to settle. The average Clearseer took twenty-two breaths to recover from a direct look at the Realmlessness through a clear night sky, and the bottom of the Abyss felt every bit as bad as that had in training. On the thirteenth inhalation, he was able to push his head and shoulders up off the floor and glare weakly at Rissad. Federas' gifted were the best in the First Realm, and Rel was not about to let Dora down. Well, at least, not in that regard. It was the whole town he wasn't letting down, really.

The anger in that thought got him up into an undignified hands-and-knees crawl across to Rissad. The Gatemaker hadn't moved. Rel said, "That was a dirty trick."

"Would you have believed me if I'd just told you?" The amusement in his voice didn't carry through to his eyes.

"I wouldn't have needed to look right at it." Rel realised he was letting the other man bait him. He clenched his jaw and forced himself to calm down. At least he didn't feel hungry anymore. "What is it down there?"

Rissad's tone turned scornful. "What does it look like?"

"Realmlessness, but..." Rel waved a hand. It couldn't be the Realmlessness. However deep the Abyss ran, there was still a planet below it. Wasn't there?

"You know of anything else that looks like Realmlessness?" Even cracked hoarse with pain, Rissad's voice stayed unrelenting, incisive.

"'What we know is that we know nothing.'" Rel quipped. "Even the Wildren agree on that."

This time, the other man managed a full sneer. "You really are one of theirs, aren't you? Listen to me. The entire First Realm is cracking apart, right here. You know any reason why they would keep that a secret from us?"

Rel managed to keep from saying Rissad's claim was impossible. He repeated the mantra in his head. What we know is that we know nothing. Except, remembered Clearsight robbed him of even the grace of ambiguity. Recalling what he'd seen before looking over the edge with the trained precision of his memory, Rel saw all too easily the colossal strains running silently through the rock of the Abyss walls. Forces alien to gravity twisted the far side, as if the hand of God were trying to break off half the world like a lump of toffee.

Of all things, it was vertigo that hit him the worst. The foot-thick concrete of the ledge suddenly seemed painfully thin to be all that sat between them and an endless plunge beyond the boundaries of the universe itself. His gut wrenched, the chill of the Abyss sinking into his bones and leaving him shaking. Better not to think of the freakish distortion of space that must have separated the thousand miles of the First Realm from the rest of the world. Or was the entire planet split through the middle?

Better not to think on it. Weakly, Rel managed, "You came here to do something about it?"

"Sadly, no." Rissad jerked his head upwards, toward the looming concrete door. "I came here for that. I only found out about the Abyss after I got here."

"The door? What's on the other side?"

Rissad frowned. "Sorry, kiddo. You haven't exactly convinced me yet that I can trust you."

"What do you want from me?" Rel snapped. The other man was in no position to be provoking him, but 'kiddo'? Really? Dora would have burst out laughing.

"Why did you come here?" Rissad tried to lever himself up on his uninjured arm, only to gasp in pain and slump back as his weight shifted onto the mangled shoulder.

Rel looked down at the concrete between his hands, then sat back on his heels, buying time to think. "Nothing in the Clearviewing I had made sense. I wanted - I want - to know what's going on."

"So you can stop me? Or help?"

"It depends. Are you still protecting the First Realm?"

Rissad met the implicit accusation of treachery with a coolly raised eyebrow. "The First Realm? Not the truce?"

"Our duty is to protect mankind," Rel said stiffly. "The truce is one way of doing that."

"Maybe you do have your head screwed on right." The other man's eyebrow stayed up, but the lines of strain on his face might have softened a little. "The door's been closed since before the Crash. We built whatever's back there, and the Gift-Givers are terrified of us getting it back."

That, at least, had implications Rel liked the sound of. "Some sort of weapon? Something we could use against them?"

"It's the obvious conclusion. That, or some piece of knowledge that would give us an edge. This used to be a research and development facility for someone-or-other, dealing with some pretty freaky physics." Again, Rissad tried to rise, and this time his gasp of pain was closer to a quiet scream. "Help me up?"

Rel moved around to take the Gatemaker's uninjured arm, bracing it across his shoulders and trying to lift the other man as gently as possible to a sitting position. Rissad's wrist was all bone, and Rel could feel him trembling. His eyes held a glint of fever, though Rel decided not to pursue the question of whether it was from genuine illness, the combination of hunger and pain, or just eagerness to complete his mission.

Spots of blood marked Rissad's trouser leg where the ugly angle of his knee said the break was. Gingerly, Rel reached out a hand to investigate, but Rissad stopped him. "It's alright. The blood looks worse than it is, and it's not from the break. Get me up."

Rel glanced at the red spots, already drying to brown, that marked the Gatemaker's trail from the rubble. Some wounds could bleed like that without being serious, but in a leg? "I should take a look at it, all the same."

"No time." Rissad shook his head, winced again. "Get me to the door, we can get inside, look around and Gate out. Then we can come back at our leisure."

Rel kicked himself inwardly. Stupid to miss such an obvious point, that getting out would be easy. He'd lived too long with Pevan's obstinate refusal to use her Gateways for convenience's sake. "Alright. Brace yourself."

Rissad's arm tightened across Rel's shoulders, and the Gatemaker drew his good leg up close to his body. As gently as he could, Rel pushed to his feet, bringing the other man with him. It was clumsy and awkward, and Rel found his own legs distinctly wobbly as the two men straightened and clung to each other for balance, but they made it. Rissad cursed with every halting step as they moved towards the door. It might have been faster to crawl.

They were both panting from exertion by the time Rissad leaned away to put a hand on the massive steel hinge - up close, Rel could barely recognise the thing for what it was, what his Viewing had shown it to be. Starting barely a foot above the floor, it loomed a good couple of feet over them, and the bracket that connected it to the concrete was a dozen feet long, several inches thick. There was no sign of wear, though Rel knew if he used his Clearsight he'd see the metal enduring many tons of strain. Just as it had for, what? Seventy or more years. It had survived the Realmcrash without a mark.

Which raised the question of what could possibly need such a tough door. Was it keeping something out, or in? Never mind how they were going to get inside. Rissad clearly hadn't been in there before, so there was no way he could make a Gateway there. Unless he had another new trick like the one he'd used to get out of the concrete.

Rissad dug a hand into his pocket and drew out what looked like a bundle of golden rods, linked by intricate tooling in some darker metal at both ends. It looked like-

"Yeah, it's a Stable Rod." Between gasped breaths, the Gatemaker's voice was grim. "Not one of Chag's, before you drop me. No humans died for this."

It was difficult to be stern with a man still half-dangling from your shoulder. Rel tried anyway, "And Wildren?"

"Who can tell what counts as death for them?" Rissad's scowl went distant for a moment, then came back stronger. "You're on their side, now?"

"I'm on the side of not having another Realmwar until we're sure we can win." Rel's breath was back, and with it some of his confidence. "What good will the rod do, anyway?" He realised he could feel it, ever so slightly, pushing at a point somewhere deep inside his head. Where his own Gift must be, he realised, the bubble of the rod's powerful Warding resisting the tiny piece of the Second Realm that gave him his Clearsight.

Why had he never felt it before when he'd been this close to Stable Rods? It couldn't just be that he'd only recently learned what his Gift was, unless he was imagining the sensation. Though it carried the threat of a fresh new level of headache, it wasn't wholly unpleasant, a dangerous invitation to complacency.

Rissad said, "The Warding is powerful enough to straighten out First Realmspace enough that you get something resembling stable electromagnetics, like before the Crash."

"But-"

"It's only right up close to the Rod that you have enough effect to be significant." Rissad raised an eyebrow. "You don't honestly expect the Gift-Givers are going to make free with these things for our benefit?"

"Is that why your brother was stealing them?" Rel regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth, but it was the obvious question.

Even pained and close to faint with exhaustion, Rissad's glare had a force like a hammered nail to the skull, but it softened quickly and he looked away. "I don't know. Because of me... Chag got caught up in some stuff. I don't know whether he's even really one of us anymore."

"A Gifted, you mean?"

"A human." The other man shook his head, winced again. "It's not important. Let's get this door open."

Rel's mind filled with images of the sheet of concrete sweeping them off the ledge, or snapping its hinge and taking them with it into the depths of the Abyss. "Will the mechanism work?"

Rissad set the Stable Rod down on top of a flange running the length of the mechanism. The soft chink of contact seemed to reverberate long after it should have, a low moan that seemed to fill the entire chasm. "According to the plans. They built it to withstand pretty much anything, for a thousand years or more. And that possibly includes the Realmcrash."

Rel shut his mouth before his brain could drop out of it. Rissad fiddled with a small panel set on the surface of the hinge, scrabbling at it with his fingertips until it popped open. Beneath was a sheet of plastic, covered in symbols Rel didn't recognise, each of which seemed to be on a round-topped bump on the surface. The two largest symbols, next to each other at the bottom of the grid, were coloured red and green. Rissad pushed the green one flat.

Nothing happened, but he held the button down, meeting Rel's worried look with a calm smile. On anyone else - particularly Dora - it would have been knowing and smug. Instead, Rel found himself reassured, until the mechanism let out a whine piercing enough that he almost dropped Rissad to cover his ears. The sound sent a lance of pain across the front of his eyeballs, making him screw his eyes shut in a way he hadn't since before he received his Gift.

The sound dropped sharply into a rumble that carried up through his boots, broken by a series of heavy clonks. Then the whine again, building, pressing against the sides of his brain, making his teeth ache. The door still didn't move, and Rel watched a flicker of worry cross Rissad's face. Clearsight would tell them if anything was happening, but Rel didn't fancy mixing logic fatigue with the pounding headache generated by the wail of the machinery.

Something snapped nearby with a noise loud enough to stagger them backwards, the echoes lost under a metal-on-metal scream. Reeling for balance, Rel could do nothing to cover his ears despite the feeling that he was being stabbed through both eardrums. Rissad seemed even worse off, his chin pressed into his chest while he hissed curses and pressed his injured arm awkwardly to his face.

As gently as he could while still on unsteady footing, Rel lowered the other man to the floor. The distressed-metal groan was starting to die away as, with ponderous grace, the door began to swing open. Even though Rel's entire job was believing his eyes when what they saw was incredible, this sight was almost beyond him. He hoped that whatever had snapped in there hadn't been part of what held the concrete slab up. The torches planted in front of the door broke like twigs, some rolling across the floor ahead of it, some getting caught underneath and pulverised.

"Drag me clear." Rissad spoke through clenched teeth. Glancing down, Rel realised he'd left the Gatemaker lying where the door would soon start pushing him along by his broken leg. The mere thought turned Rel's empty stomach. Given how long it had taken them to get Rissad upright the first time, there was little chance of getting him on his feet now. But there was no way of dragging him short of holding his good arm and pulling.

Rel planted his feet as firmly as he could and heaved. Rissad gasped in pain, but slid a good foot or so away from the door. Hunger had clearly taken a toll on the Gatemaker's already-slender build. Another heave, this time with Rissad's gasp turning into a scream before Rel stopped, saw the other man well out of the way. Assuming the door was going to stop at a right-angle to the opening. With a wall of concrete swinging slowly towards them and only bare rock behind, that was a more disturbing thought than Rel wanted to entertain.

A crunching sound heralded another problem; the door had begun to smash bits of concrete off the lip of the ledge where they stuck up. The ledge itself was completely blocked by the door, and they needed to be on the other side of it. Rissad was lost in his pain, grunting as he poked at his chest.

He noticed the problem quickly enough, though, and lifted his good arm towards Rel for a hand up. Rel eyed it dubiously. "You're sure?"

Rissad nodded, his jaw set. It took two attempts to get him vertical, a twinge on the second try telling Rel he was beginning to strain his own arm. The other man gestured at the door, and a gateway appeared on the surface, its edges crackling and unsteady. Because of the Stable Rod, or the nearby Sherim? Were they even still near the Sherim Rel had felt on the way in?

The Gateway seemed to open into a whole new cave, dark and vast, lit fitfully from below, until Rel realised he was looking up at the ceiling of the Abyss. Well, he should have expected that; it was after all the only place on the other side of the door that Rissad had either seen or been before. The other end of the Gate had to be in the floor of the ledge, a difficult enough proposition to get through without Rissad's injuries. Rissad met Rel's worried frown with a raised eyebrow that eloquently underscored Rel's lack of better ideas.

"If you don't feel up to it, I could drop us through." Rissad's voice managed to be lazy and mocking even though it was his injuries that would suffer.

"Are you mad?" Rel couldn't keep the anger from his voice. "How are we going to run like this?" Normal procedure would be to run hard at the Gate and dive head-long through it, thus arriving vertically out of the floor on the other side. But even if Rissad's leg could stand the landing, there was no way they could move fast enough to manage the dive. Even without Rissad, Rel wasn't sure he could manage it past his current robe of aches.

The other man's eyebrow climbed higher. "I thought your sister was a Gatemaker?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" Were all southern Gifted this well-informed? Maybe having so few incidents down there meant they all had too much time on their hands.

"She hasn't told you everything she trained for?" Despite the pain, there was mirth in Rissad's tone, gentle and reflective. "Chag never shut up about it."

Rel worked the tension out of his jaw. "Pevan can be... recalcitrant sometimes."

"Hah. She'll grow out of it." Rissad's face fell somewhat as he saw Rel's scowl. "Sorry, forget I mentioned it. There's a way that doesn't need us to run, is what I'm trying to say. Designed for moving casualties in extremis."

"How?"

The grin returned, far too smart for its own good. "I hope you don't mind getting a bit cozy."

Following the Gatemaker's instructions, Rel wedged himself into the oval aperture of the Gateway, his back to the bottom of the opening and tingling with the contact, his foot against the top. That left his head and body upright on the far side, facing the Abyss. Though he twisted as best he could, all he could see of what the door had hidden was darkness. His free leg trailed across the concrete of the ledge, sliding slowly with the swing of the door.

Rissad lay down on top of him, holding himself in place with a tight one-armed hug, his face pressed to Rel's shoulder. Rel wrapped his arms around the other man, trying to tell himself he wasn't really that relieved there was no-one around to see. Before the discomfort could turn physical, he heaved backwards, using his braced leg to lift the rest of their weight out through the Gateway. The back of his skull bounced off the floor, hard, and Rissad let out another harsh gasp, but the trick worked.

The two men disentangled themselves and fought their way up to standing. In front of them, the darkness was filled with faint glimmers where torchlight reflected from immaculate plastic and metal. The vague shape of the room was visible, enough to make out that it matched the door for size, but the space inside was so tangled with racks and walkways that making sense of it became impossible.

As they limped across the threshold, the quality of the air changed; the Abyss felt damp, ever so slightly redolent of mould, but here the overwhelming impression was of cleanliness. No dust caught the unsteady light of the few remaining torches behind them, and there wasn't the bright scent of life that came from clear days in the open air. There was just the sense that whoever had built the place had controlled every aspect of it to perfection, and nothing had changed since.

Rel helped Rissad prop himself up against a rack of bare metal shelves and went back to collect a couple of torches. At the Gatemaker's suggestion, he popped back through a much simpler Gateway - nothing stopping Rissad making Gates in the back of the door now - and collected the Stable Rod too. The door ground to a halt with a fresh teeth-wrenching scream

When he'd recovered from the echoes, Rel took the rod and torches back to Rissad, his hands already coated in the vile stuff the Wildren had infused the wood with. More light didn't help much with making sense of the room, but at least they could see what was on the nearby shelves. Row on row of plastic bottles, all full of water, caught the light immediately in front of them. A wire mesh, wrapped tightly around the whole shelf, must have protected them through even the most violent upheavals of the Realmcrash.

With good, watertight plastic so scarce these days, Rel counted the bottles as raw wealth. There were enough for every town in the First Realm to get a few, and he thought he could see another rack deeper in the darkness. He said, "Do you think they know all this stuff is in here?"

Rissad grunted. "Everything I've heard suggests the Wildren have never been through the door, for whatever reason. They could have broken in if they'd wanted, I'm sure."

"What's it all for?"

"You're the Clearseer. Take a look around, see if you can spot anything that might say." The Gatemaker's stiff tone made the instruction peremptory, and Rel bristled. Still, despite the headache he knew he was inviting, it was the best way to figure out what they'd found.

The first instant of cold as he embraced Clearsight was welcome, refreshing, numbing to the anxiety of being so far in conflict with the Wildren. It didn't last; the cold sharpened, pushed hard fingers through the centre of his forehead, and pain returned. At least he stayed distracted from worrying about Dora and Taslin. Even without the pressure between his eyes, the room revealed by his enhanced vision made sure of that.

It was a room of straight lines and crisp angles, vertical supports and horizontal catwalks broken only by the occasional dramatic slash of a staircase. Somehow, though, the shapes conspired together to form a spiral of such perfect natural grace that the eye was sucked along it, round and round and unmistakably upward into darkness. Rel got the sense that he saw far beyond the confines of any physical chamber; right at the edges of vision, there was a sense of pressure that might have been Realmlessness pressing in, but it was shielded in some way.

Rissad's hand closed tightly around Rel's upper arm, and Rel realised he'd been leaning forward, his body following his eyes up into the well of strangeness ahead. He held back from blinking, but every way he looked at the room led his gaze back to the same point. Details began to stand out, though; a staircase with steps on the underside, a rack of shelves which had a catwalk running vertically up the face of it. Clearsight made some of the more distant metalwork seem thinner, ghostly, and he started to see where one beam was a copy of another, or a rack repeated itself higher up the spiral.

Despite utterly paradoxical geometry, the whole structure resonated with stillness, Realmspace held steady under strain by the physical framework. Even where seeing into darkness rendered everything down to a grainy, dancing grey of faint particulate motion, there was stability. Rel handed one of the torches to Rissad and walked a little deeper into the room, ignoring the other man's uneasy question. It was no surprise when his skin came alive with the gossamer-soft tickle of the Sherim enveloping him.

And yet, something was different. Emboldened by the stability of everything around him, Rel shot out an arm, looking for the whisper of wild power that should come with the gesture. The Second Realm, so close by, failed to respond. He tried again, focussed on binding First-Realm logic across the divide, but even with his Clearsight active, his waving arm failed to twist Realmspace. Only air moved, swirling into fleeting, pathetic eddies.

"What's up?" Rissad hobbled around the corner of the shelving, using his torch as a crutch, the still-burning end pressed to the floor and in danger of igniting his trousers.

"It's a Sherim, but I can't reach the Second Realm through it." Rel turned to the other man, but Clearsight caught on a detail behind him. With most of the torches on the wrong side of the door, the Abyss was little brighter than the Sherim room. No obstacle to Seeing Clearly, though, and he could make out the glittering, energetic wake of some Wilder which must have just flown past the opening. "We need to get out of here."

Rissad was snapping his fingers, frowning, but he responded instantly to the edge in Rel's voice. "What's wrong?"

"Wilder just spotted us." Rel rubbed a hand over his forehead, all too aware of his mounting fatigue. "I don’t know about you, but I'm close to burning out already."

"I don't know if I'll burn or bleed out first." The Gatemaker's face was grim. "This close to a Sherim, wild power or no, I don't think I could hold a Gate steady, not now I know it's here."

"At least we got the door open." Rel blinked Clearsight away; it would be no use to him now, and if he was going to end up in Wilder custody, he didn't want to go comatose from burnout.

"Maybe." Rissad's face, cadaverous in the torchlight, pointed the other way, his eyes lost in the jungle of the Sherim. "You give up pretty easily, for a Federas Gifted."

Rel shivered. "You can't seriously want to risk an unexplored Sherim in your condition!"

"Better than another day in their hands." He glanced back towards the doorway, his pallor turning his face to stone. "Look, there's stuff I haven't told you. I have an idea of what I'm going into, but there's no time to explain. You coming?"

"I wouldn't last five minutes. I'll take my chances here." The mere thought of entering the Second Realm now left him wincing, his eyes screwed shut. When he opened them again, there was a figure stepping out of a gateway in the door. Silver skin caught glints of yellow and orange from the remaining torches, and no human ever had a neck so long.

Rissad held out the Stable Rod. "I'll fill you in when I get back, then. Can you buy me some time to get away?" Beneath cold ferocity, there was a haunted touch to his eyes, almost but not quite lost in the haggard slackness of the skin of his cheeks.

"I-" Rel cleared his throat, finding it suddenly tighter than expected. He took the Rod from Rissad's hand, his grip gentle enough that he almost dropped it. The flicker of concern that danced across the other man's shadowed eyes almost brought tears to Rel's. He managed, "I'll do what I can."

"Good luck."

"Yeah." Rel grappled with a hundred things he wanted to say, and all that came out through the storm of warnings, well-wishes and goodbyes was, "You too."

Rissad glanced past Rel's shoulder once, then turned, leaning heavily on his torch. Telling himself it was just because he needed to watch the approaching Wilder, Rel turned his back on the Gatemaker, but the shuffling sound of Rissad's uneven step stayed with him. Ahead, the silver-skinned Wilder glided forward, its feet spread wider than its shoulders as it walked.

Rel's head ached. His empty stomach clenched his gut like a fist. His wrenched shoulder held the tight sensation that presaged pain at the slightest hint of sharp movement, not helped by the stiff wrist from the earlier fight. The front of his brain felt cold and vacant, the back like a lump of wool. But the shining figure bearing down on him poured the warmth of familiar anger across everything, gave him strength. The Stable Rod, warm in his hand, promised a major advantage if it came to a fight, and he still had some Clearsight left, even with the Sherim pressing chaos against his mind.

Better to get the first word in. Rel said, "I'm censuring you and any collaborating with you for the unlawful abduction of and assault on Rissad Van Raighan. Stop where you are."

To his surprise, the Wilder planted its feet and froze, shadowed eyes fixed on his. Maybe it was obeying, but more likely it was just too shocked to respond. Behind it, movement caught Rel's eye as half a dozen more figures Gated in. The poor light made their features indistinct, but the tall, shapely one had to be Taslin, the shorter, plainer figure at her side Dora.

That left him with a quandary; if he used his remaining Clearsight now, he'd be unable to watch Taslin, but without it the fight would be a much harder proposition. In theory it was possible to fight a Gift-Giver with Clearsight, but no-one had ever tried. The Stable Rod bucked in his hand as it tried to bleed off the strain of their approach.

Dora broke ranks and ran up to him, brushing past the silver-skinned Wilder without a glance. "Rel, what have you done?" The Four Knot's - the ex-Four Knot's - eyes were wide, and more than a little red-rimmed. Rel reminded himself he'd had every right to say the things he'd said. She glanced past him, and when her eyes met his again, there was no trace of her old intensity. "What is this place?"

"I don't know," he said, heavily. "What I've done is my job."

"Where is Rissad?" Taslin's sharp tone knifed through the air, but the Sherim failed to respond. Sweat glistened on her face as she pushed her way deep into the Warding around the Stable Rod. Where the silver-skinned Wilder showed no sign of human discomfort in its fight to withstand the Ward, Taslin's face twisted, and her voice came muffled by a clenched jaw.

Rel jerked his head at the Sherim. "He's as safe as I can make him. Don't come any closer."

"Rel, what are you doing?" Dora's voice held fear, not scorn.

"Look around yourself, Dora." Raising his voice, Rel drowned out whatever Taslin was trying to say. "This is the First Realm. It's our business. They've kept everything here a total secret from us. Is that right or fair?"

Her eyes flicked sideways, to Taslin, and she gave what might have been a hint of a cringe. "No... I mean, we need to work out what's happened."

"Yes, but only when I know Rissad is beyond their reach." He couldn't help glancing over his shoulder. "It's our job to protect him."

Taslin delivered a vicious Second-Realm curse, long and fluid. "That's a Sherim, isn't it? Where does it go?"

"Not the Second Realm." The silver-skinned Wilder finally spoke, its voice toneless and stiff. "We have been unable to discover what it connects to."

Impaled on the points of Taslin's violet glare, Rel took a step back. "Rissad chose the risk over staying to accept another round of your handling. Don't dare deny your kind have a lot to answer for."

Their eyes stayed locked for a long moment, but it was Taslin who looked away first. "First you must answer for your belligerence."

"Belligerence?" Rel almost choked, his chest and throat tightening in outrage. "I'm not the one violating the peace!"

"And what of the guardian you attacked?" The other Wilder forced a step forward, leg shaking.

"He attacked me. It was a clear attempt to impede my performance of my duties as a Gifted."

"Relvin, you will stand down." Dora spoke as if the last fortnight had rolled back and she was Four Knot again. Rel found a little piece of himself trying to agree with her and stamped it down, mercilessly. She went on like a bow shot. "You've been rash and aggressive. I don't believe for one second you needed to fight that guard, self-defence or not. You've messed with dangerous forces that could have gotten everyone in Vessit killed."

Rel held steady while every muscle in his body tensed, shuddering as he suppressed the urge to lash out. "Do you even know what those 'dangerous forces' are? Do you know the secrets they've kept about this place?"

"The situation was under control." The voice that flowed out from the Abyss held the laziness of a southern drawl, welcome in its humanity. It sounded more than a little like Rissad. A willowy, slender man followed it out of the gloom, wrapped in a loose brown robe whose v-neck accentuated his thin neck and bony frame. Short-cropped silver hair fuzzed his crown, his hairline receding towards his ears. His eyes sparkled as he went on, "Those who needed to know knew. Spreading the truth would have spread panic, perhaps even led to the abandonment of the North, something neither Realm can afford."

The man's act was perfect; teacherly calm, the friendly pose of an old man's wisdom, a hint of an underlying ferocity of devotion to peace between the Realms. But even with his head pounding, trying to watch every other figure before him at the same time, Rel didn't miss the man's shiver as he stepped into the close embrace of the Stable Rod's effect. A Wilder, one even more potent than Taslin.

"I am Keshnu, and the Children of the Wild here are under my command. The concrete door was left undisturbed because we could not tell what was behind it, beyond the fact that Realmspace here is twisted. There was and still is no way of knowing how this Sherim will interact with the stresses on the Abyss. Had you but approached Vessit's Four Knot, as the law requires you to do, all this would have been explained. This is the transgression you must answer for."

Rel could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. Maybe he should have talked to the Four Knot, but Rissad had been getting away. Someone needed to confront him, learn what drove him. Never mind this Keshnu's power, he had no right to lecture Rel like that. "What about Rissad, then? What excuses his treatment?"

"Mistakes were made." A look of regret slipped across the Wilder's face, then vanished just as quickly, as if he realised how inappropriate his insincerity was. "I was away when he was taken, and only returned this morning. Had I been here, the confrontation would have been handled better. But Rissad, too, neglected to inform the Four Knot he was in Vessit. The laws exist for a reason."

"In that case the Four Knot should be here," Rel snapped. "You can't arrest me without him in the First Realm."

Dora stepped forward, half-raising a hand, her eyes telling him just how much a Stable Rod wouldn't protect him from her. "Am I invisible? Am I not here or something?"

Through clenched teeth, Rel said, "You're not a Four Knot anymore." It wasn't going to knock her back this time the way it had earlier, but if they were going to stand on the formalities of the law then so was he.

"We can stand here and wait however many hours it takes Wolpan to return from her call-out if you insist, Relvin." Keshnu's voice hadn't changed, exactly, but Rel couldn't shake the sense of being twelve again, on the wrong end of a telling-off from his father. "Or you can resist us and give up your last chance at a fair hearing. Or you can cooperate, accept your friend as stand-in Four Knot, and we'll discuss these important matters with the detail and gravity they deserve."

Rel set his jaw, met the Wilder's eyes. Even in the darkness, they were a clear, deep blue; not glowing or shining, but rich enough in colour to show despite the flickering yellow of the torches. "I stand by my decisions. If you're going to bring me up on a technicality, then we'll wait for all the technicalities."

He held Keshnu's stare while Dora turned away, trembling, into Taslin's embrace.

***

Next Episode

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Freedom of Knives

I hope all those people who say you shouldn't shy away from controversial opinions in your public platform just because you worry they'll make you unpopular are right...

In truth, I've been looking for an excuse to blog, or lecture, or just generally rant on this topic for a while, and the recent farce with Paypal and Smashwords (apparently Visa are involved now as well) is basically a transparent excuse for some spleen-venting.

Now, while I worry this blog post might make me unpopular, I'm very definitely NOT siding with Paypal. What they're doing is just flat-out fucking wrong, whatever their reasons.

(sidebar: swearing should never be censored. It should, however, be saved for moments like this.)

Pursuing irrelevant, reactionary ideological lines in the provision of a service your company has previously offered to everyone is disgraceful behaviour. As is the clumsy attempt to ban harmless entertainment. I can think of very, very few circumstances in which it would be OK to ban a book (maybe if we could ban forever all books that explained how to make weaponry, but that doesn't seem plausible). Censorship, understood as the attempt to prevent opinions and ideas being aired in public forums, is wrong.

So far, so uncontroversial.

The thing that bugs me is that because this is a debate about censorship, many people have started throwing around arguments that start from the premise that 'freedom of speech' is important, and I have a very complicated relationship with the concept of 'freedom of speech'.

Let's slide into controversial waters gently. 'Freedom from censorship' is not the same as blanket freedom of speech. I often hear people defending freedom of speech by saying things like 'I may not agree with what you say, but I'll go to the gallows/barricades/other morbid tool of state oppression for your right to say it'. You can look at this two different ways.

First off, you can look at it in terms of freedom from censorship, by which I take it to mean 'I may not agree with your opinion, but I will happily defend your right to hold views I disagree with and to air them for public debate in all circumstances, provided we're all going to be reasonable and, where possible, polite'. Or you can take the hard-line interpretation of freedom of speech, along the lines of 'You may not even be stating your opinions, but I'll happily die to preserve your right to say any damn thing you like'.

See the difference? And before you think I'm being absurd, I've had several friends, people I regard as deeply intelligent in all other respects, tell me that the move from the second interpretation to the first opens the door to totalitarianism wide enough that the society that makes that move is doomed. I'll come back to this point.

You can probably see where I'm about to go. I find 'freedom of speech', construed as the freedom to say any damn thing you like, an utterly abhorrent concept. And I'm not about to make the familiar argument about incitement and hate speech, however strongly I feel that it's a good one, because the waters are very muddy and I don't know of any good studies on the topic.

The argument I'm going to make is a bit more abstract and a lot more based in my personal experience. I'm speaking primarily as a fiction writer, and I guess I'm probably speaking primarily to writers as well. What's the job of a fiction writer? To use words to affect people, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. The best writers can, with nothing more than a few words, make you burst out laughing, reduce you to tears, horrify you, rip away your faith in humanity and so on.

My point? Words are powerful things. Incredibly powerful. The pen is mightier than the sword, remember? (Please, no jokes about trying to fight a duel with a pen. If you get to the duel, you've been using the pen wrong). As writers, nobody should be more aware than us of the power of words.

Just how powerful are words? Well, here's where it gets personal for me. I've been on the receiving end of a lot of bullying in my life. Not once has it ever been physical, just so we're clear. Purely verbal. I was familiar with suicidal feelings from alienation and depression before I hit puberty. To this day, the wrong remark can trigger deep depressive episodes in me, to the point that midway through last year I had to cut all contact with someone who had been a friend because they maliciously pushed my buttons once too often.

Sidebar: The most painful words I've heard in two decades of this crap? 'Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you' (and, to a lesser extent, all variations on 'they were only joking') Please, parents, stop telling this to your kids. You might think it says 'be strong and it will all bounce off'. What it actually says is 'That deep emotional pain you're feeling? We have no sympathy, stop acting up.' The difference between sticks and stones and words isn't that words can't hurt. It's that the wounds you can get from sticks and stones heal.

Because of 'sticks and stones', I actually wish I'd had more physical bullying. I'd feel less like everyone I've ever heard use that line (including both my parents and pretty much every teacher I've ever admired) thought I was pathetic.

Here's an aphorism I'd like to coin instead: A writer arguing for freedom of speech is like a surgeon arguing for freedom of knives.

Knives can do an amazing amount of good when applied to the human body. That doesn't mean we don't have laws against just anybody sticking them in people. Nobody wants to get stabbed, after all.

Actually, given how manipulative and cruel writers can be to readers, I'm not sure that a better analogy wouldn't be that we're more like muggers arguing for freedom of knives, with the key difference being that the victims of muggings don't pay up front for the privilege.

Anyway, the point I'm getting at is that arguing that people should be allowed to say any damn thing they like completely ignores this power that words have to hurt. We forget, in the tireless - and vital - struggle against all forms of ideological oppression, that the right to freedom of speech comes with the attached responsibility to speak... well, responsibly. To understand that words have power and to refrain from using that power for evil.

I'm not claiming to have any good ideas for how to ensure people speak responsibly. Certainly, to bring it back round to the point and close up a loose end from earlier, institutionalised censorship isn't the way to go, and passing laws about what people can and can't say is a very dangerous thing to do (hence the 'opening the door to totalitarianism' argument). And we do, theoretically, have a legal system which allows some form of censure against those who cause harm with their words; if you can prove that your mental health has been damaged by things people have said to you, you could probably get compensation.

Two problems there: first, finding proof, and second, you've already been hurt. Chances are that if you've been hurt badly enough to end up in court, your life is pretty much ruined. Clinical depression can be chronic, effectively incurable.

Punishing the guilty isn't as important as protecting the victims, but protecting the victims is nearly impossible. I can't help feeling, though, that it might help if we stopped arguing that victims should receive no protection at all, which is exactly what the 'say any damn thing you want' people are arguing (however well-meaning they feel themselves to be).

Freedom from ideological oppression is important, but words can really fucking hurt.

Thursday, 1 March 2012

The horror, the horror...

So, if you've found your way here (and I'm guessing you have), you've probably also seen that last weekend I stepped into Al Boudreau's Cage Match series, with the genre being fantasy/horror. I had an absolute blast doing it, and I offer my congratulations to Joe on beating me (grrr).

But the whole affair got me thinking about horror as a genre, horror writing, and scary stuff in general. So, blog post.

Anyone who knows me well is going to have been seriously surprised to find me having anything to do with the horror genre. Probably no other mentally healthy adult male in the western world is more scared by horror films than me. I manage a little better with horror fiction, by which I mean that the last horror story I read (Lovecraft's 'The Shadow Over Innsmouth') only cost me three hours of sleep on a single night, instead of for the better part of a week (the result, a couple of years earlier, of reading Alan Dean Foster's novelisation of 'Alien').

Last year, when I had to watch 'Evil Dead 2' at work (yes, had to. I realise I have a pretty awesome job - better was getting paid to watch 'Casablanca', 'The Grinch' and '12 Angry Men', among others), I spent my first three or four hours in bed each night for the next week or so staring wide-eyed at the darkness and envisaging the ridiculous tree-monster from the end of the film (spoiler alert: evil tree. Deliberately naff special effects) looming over me.

Yes, I know 'Evil Dead 2' isn't scary.

Yes, I know it's a comedy. (Indeed, I'll acknowledge that Bruce Campbell's performance is brilliant, particularly the 'possessed hand' sequence).

Shut up. I was scared, alright?

I could speculate round and round in circles forever about why, though the essence of the problem is that I've never had a very tight rein on my imagination (this is the main reason I'm a writer) and, while I know that what I'm seeing isn't real, I can't help but imagine what it would be like if it were. Incidentally, this is why I find certain kinds of situational comedy almost as frightening as horror, but that's an even more embarrassing blog post, and one for another time.

The point I'm making is that I have no business being in the horror genre at all. Here's where it gets weird. Despite the fact I can't actually read or watch horror, I love it.

My favourite fantasy mythos, beyond Robert Jordan (who's back in my good graces thanks to the frankly stunning 'Knife of Dreams'), beyond Brandon Sanderson, beyond Terry Pratchett's Discworld and probably even clear of Janny Wurts' magnificant Athera, is Lovecraft's Cthulhu mythos. Yup, the same mythos that scared the ever-loving everything out of me with 'Innsmouth'.

As a fantasy mythos, the Cthulhu mythos came the better part of a century ahead of its time. The central theme - that the true nature of the world is so alien to human understanding that it drives any human who perceives it mad - is a possibility philosophers of logic are only just beginning to wake up to (I actually get to claim some expertise here, what with teaching logic classes on a university-level philosophy course. The idea that there are things we might not be able to understand is still a deeply unpopular fringe theory, though I'm a firm believer).

The Cthulhu mythos is valid for more than just its underlying philosophy, though. The thing that really attracts me is the sheer wealth of narrative opportunity in it. There are so many forces at work in so many different ways, with competing interests that we can't really understand, that you can put basically any story in there and still have it come out rich, deep and challenging.

Also, it gives space for a much richer understanding of the term 'horror' than mainstream culture. I've said before in various contexts that I love horror, I just don't like being scared, and most of the time people have laughed at me, but fear is only one part of horror; similarly, grossness is only a part of it, and a shallow one at that.

The essence of horror, as far as I'm interested in it, is to be disturbing on the deepest level you can. Were I to risk reading a horror story, what I'd be looking for would be for it to leave me profoundly unsettled, perhaps by stripping away my illusions of self-importance or sucking me into complicity with horrific acts. I guess the core idea would be to disrupt the reader's sense of place in the world - destroying the comfort zone rather than merely lifting them out of it.

Maybe that's going to result in books that are unpleasant to read (though I don't think it has to; a couple of examples from cinema would be 'Chinatown' and 'The Dark Knight', though neither is strictly horror), but that's the kind of horror I want to read. It's also what I want to try to write, because it seems like it'll require getting a stronger grip on the reader's emotions and imagination than any other kind of writing, and that's the kind of writing challenge I really look for.

The big question is whether I can do this effectively without reading any more horror...

Saturday, 25 February 2012

The Second Realm 1.3: A Hole In Her Mind

Previous episode - Smashwords (still free) - Next episode



Van Raighan's Last Stand

3. A Hole In Her Mind

Somehow, the fabric of Taslin's close-fitting dress picked up the firelight in just such a way as to mesmerise Rel. The Gift-Giver sat at Dora's back, stroking her hair smooth and glossy using some power of the Second Realm Rel had never seen. Next to Taslin's graceful curves, no amount of hair-care could save Dora from looking scrawny and boyish. It wasn't fair, Rel reflected, to be travelling with such a beautiful lady who might also be a deadly enemy - certainly was deadly dangerous - while the only human woman around was so plain.

Wind whispered over the stones of the old croft-house's wall above them. The building was ancient, an abandoned ruin even before the Realmcrash, its roof long since gone. If it rained in the night, they'd all get wet, but it had been a dry day, the cloud lifting as the sun set, and a cold night promised. Wet blankets would be unpleasant, but the wind had a raw edge that spoke in long sibilance of exposure and hypothermia.

The shelter of the ruined croft meant a fire that wouldn't blow out, even if its plume of smoke vanished into the purple of the late-sunset horizon at an alarming angle. If the floor was hard, it was far from the worst they'd slept on in four days' travel. Rel stretched his legs, working sore feet in his boots and wishing it wasn't too cold to sleep barefoot.

To Taslin, Dora was saying, "Not the sort of use you expected to put your training to, I suppose?" She smiled, broadly and simply, a smile that would have been unthinkable even a week ago; being away from Federas, or perhaps no longer having the responsibilities of a Four Knot, had changed Dora. Unless this was just another strange effect of her second Gift.

"I was taught that power is useless unless used, and dangerous if reserved only for special uses." Taslin's speech had only the faintest hint of the awkwardness Wildren normally showed when speaking in First-Realm language, just the odd out-of-place pause. Somehow, it made her more disconcerting than her kin. The effect nagged at Rel every time she opened her mouth.

It didn't seem to bother Dora, who gave a short, light laugh. "Sounds very philosophical. Your mentor must have been very wise."

"We are not trained as you are, by a single teacher." Taslin paused, glanced into the flames. "Different specialists each teach their particular subject. During training I would usually study with a different teacher each day, in a rotation."

"Doesn't that mean an awful lot of teachers? If each trainee needs so many, I mean?" Dora's frown was puzzled, abstracted, with none of the ferocity Rel was used to.

"We learn in groups, sometimes as many as fifteen with one teacher."

Dora turned sharply, then hissed as the Wilder held onto her hair, pulling it. "Isn't that distracting, with everyone asking questions all the time?"

"Fewer questions are asked." Rel almost thought Taslin was frowning. Clipped though her speech was, for a moment she almost seemed human. He cursed himself under his breath. If Dora wasn't going to be appropriately wary, he couldn't afford to relax even in such a seemingly innocent moment.

"Oh. But what if the trainees don't get on? I always got on well with Tawny when I was training, but I-" Dora caught herself, but Rel knew what she'd been going to say. She made a vague gesture and finished, "I know some people... there can be friction with a teacher."

Rel tossed another branch on the fire, harder than was necessary, and the cascade of sparks gave him emphasis. "Like me, you mean?"

"Sorry, Rel, I didn't mean..." Dora looked at him, brows lowered and pinched in a way that didn't really match her apologetic tone.

He grunted. Better to close the conversation there than have a row. "I'll take second watch." He pulled his blanket out of his pack and started trying to make himself comfortable. "Good night."

For all the world, he thought he saw Dora and Taslin exchange the kind of patronising look Dora used to share with his mother when they thought he'd thrown a strop. He wriggled a bit closer to the fire, closing his eyes and trying not to grind his teeth. The soft hiss and crackle of the flames muted the women's conversation to a strangely pleasant, melodic burbling.



"Relvin! Clearseer!"

Fire dazzled Rel as he awoke, dragged out of sleep by the hard edge on Taslin's whisper. His first thought was that he was still at home, the house burning. Something of his dream lingered, the sense of squeezing against a wall to escape the flames.

Taslin crouched beside him. Had she been squeezing him? No, shaking him, shaking him awake. He shook his head, as if that would clear his eyes, but his attempt to roll away from the fire only pressed his face up against the Gift-Giver's leg. The fabric of her skirt was luxuriously soft, the flesh beneath firm, curved and warm.

Rel's brain caught up and he jerked back, stammering. Taslin grabbed his head, roughly covered his mouth. "Quiet!"

Her hands were strong, too strong for the humanity they pretended. He struggled, grunting, tangling in his blanket. This wasn't an attack, though. Even muzzy-headed, Rel knew that if Taslin wanted him dead she wouldn't need to wake him. And she'd already had plenty of chances since leaving Nursim.

So, it was something else. Conscious of his breath condensing hot and damp against her hand, he settled, met her eyes. They glittered against the firelight like quartz. Somewhere out in the darkness beyond the croft wall, a sheep screamed, high and oddly human.

Taslin said, "Keep a very tight rein on your fear. I think I detected an Axtli nearby."

A chill ran down Rel's spine. What was an Axtli? Taslin's rock-hard eyes were wide; her breath was tight and shallow, barely clouding the cold air. Wilder she might be, but she'd learned to perform her human emotions better than any he'd ever known.

"How's your logic burnout?" Taslin lifted her hand away from his mouth, just an inch or so. Her other, at the back of his head, stayed where it was, gripping firmly but not painfully. Ready to quiet him again if he made outcry, he was sure.

"Better. Maybe not all the way."

She pointed past the fire, let him turn his head to follow, though all he could make out was the broken wall, and beyond that night. Cold crept into his face, flowing round his eyeballs like a glacier, as he surrendered to Clearsight and studied the darkness.

Dancing flame became something less of a metaphor as he saw through to the complex, beautiful patterns of air movement that shaped the glowing gasses. Mixed and mottled cloud above covered the worst of the Realmlessness, sparkling with waiting dew; the night became a dithering haze of purples edged in silver, framed and shaped by the echoes of centuries lingering in the stone. Taslin, being a Gift-Giver, vanished, though Rel could still hear her breathing, and every so often the air would eddy at the edge of her shape and so reveal some part of it.

There was something out there, where she pointed. He didn't see it directly, and it wasn't the dreaded still patch that marked out a Negation, but the patterns were all wrong for the First Realm. There was a sense of motion, but it seemed to follow his gaze, so that each time he moved, he saw the same vague shape.

Ice seeped through the centre of his face, and for a moment the flickering shadow in a crack in the stonework was a maw, spreading black toothless jaws to engulf the nearest stone. Greater clarity, and the thing outside the walls resolved just a little; a cloud of needles, glossy and black, the firelight spraying tiny glimmers across their million facets. Every needle pointed straight at him, straight at his face, but each bore a shadow trained on Taslin.

Thought of the Wilder pressed up all too close against his neck made his concentration flicker, and there was a sudden sharp pain stabbing through the cold of his eyes, as if something had reached in and pinched his pupils. Panic threatened, and reflex pulled him ahead in time, following with horror as the Axtli's spines shot out and slid into his eyeballs. For just a moment, he had the sense of being sucked out of his own skull, and then control returned. Rel pulled his vision back to the present, fighting to keep his breath steady.

Keep a very tight rein on your fear. Well, he could do nothing about the chills in his spine, the claws squeezed tight around his heart, the slow groan of his swallow, but Wildren had no equivalents to such things. And a whisper would stay well below the fire and the wind. "What is it?"

"It must be an Axtli." The last word came with the awkward distortions of a Wilder trying to translate her own unintelligible communications into human language. "But they were supposed to have become extinct in the Realmcrash."

"It's a predator?" Could it have survived in the First Realm this long? No, it was newly arrived, or it would have been on them already. Instead, its form seemed to ripple like a cat's flank as it moved, slowly. A single step forward?

"Yes. A mind-eater." Taslin was offering no mercy of ignorance; even the most powerful Wildren feared mind-eaters.

Clearsight was beginning to hurt, just the first fingertip of pressure on his forehead. This far from any Sherim, he had an hour, perhaps, before he faced another burnout. The Axtli moved again, and there again was the impression of a short, powerful leg flowing forward to take a step-

"Stop it!" Hissed Taslin. "It will feel if you impose First-Realm logic on it." As if to emphasise the point, the needles that made up the predator stretched, prickling at the edges of the firelight. Rel held himself absolutely still while that same prickling seemed to run up and down his back.

Okay, it was a cloud of needles, floating there. Not even needles, just long, sharp, thin things. From this angle. Had the black spikes retreated a little way? "What do we do?"

Seeing Clearly, Rel saw nothing of the surprise that ran through the Wilder, but her shiver showed in tiny movements of air, and her voice came high and startled. "You trust me now?" It wasn't sarcasm, and yet her tone was far more lively and human than he was used to from Wildren.

"I choose you over that." Rel jerked his head towards the predator, then froze again as its needles twitched to follow the motion.

A weight settled on his shoulder, warm but uncomfortably close to his neck, and he twitched, squirming in alarm, before he twigged that it was Taslin's hand. She said, "We cannot let it roam free in the First Realm."

"Can we kill it?" This far from a Sherim, Rel didn't fancy trying to draw the creature back to its own Realm, but not all Wildren could be killed in the First Realm. How did you hurt a cloud?

"None of my kind will mourn the death of an Axtli." There was another shiver of motion through the needles as Taslin named the thing. Trust her to put Second Realm politics ahead of human life.

Rel began, slowly, to disentangle his legs from his blanket. "With due respect, I wasn't asking whether we're allowed to. Can we? The three of us?"

"I don't know." Flat, immediate, for a moment Taslin actually sounded like a proper Wilder. Rel shifted, keeping his eyes on the Axtli but dropping the Gift-Giver's hand off his shoulder. She continued, "I was never trained to fight them. If it's new to the First Realm, that may give us a chance, but how new it can be..."

"It's not used to First Realm logic, or it would be on us by now." Whatever attention the Axtli was paying them, Clearsight showed its hesitation for curiosity, uncertainty. Focussing hard enough that his headache bit deeper, Rel made out a third image of each needle in the cloud, pointing away from them, down the hillside meadow. To the sheep, perhaps? No, it moved too quickly. A fox or bat, maybe.

Taslin's whisper came back to him out of thin air, prickly with arrogant certainty. "It's come this far, it must know something at least. We're more than a hundred miles from the nearest Sherim."

"It can barely tell us from the wall. I'm not sure it even realises we're food."

"Then we should get Dora away from it before it notices." Swirls of gently displaced air in Taslin's wake shimmered in rainbow colours as she moved around the fire to where Dora lay, deeply and peacefully asleep. "Can you wake her without alarming her?"

As well to ask whether Dora could be woken without alarming the Axtli. Rel knew the set of his Four Knot's features all too well; Dora was a punctual waker by force of routine only, and slept like a stone. Since leaving Nursim, if anything, she'd been worse. Getting her up quietly would be a challenge, but promised at least a little revenge for any number of times she'd kicked him awake back home when she'd needed him. He said, "Hold her tightly, cover her mouth. It's the only way we'll keep her quiet."

Taslin pulled Dora up into her lap, the spectacle made eerie as the Four Knot seemed to float there, limp and half-out of her blanket, head lolling to one side. Dora didn't make even so much as a mumble, and when her head turned to face the stars, it was clearly because of Taslin's tight grip. Rel took the canteen from his pack and wetted a corner of his blanket. He couldn't resist a grin.

He reached to bring the damp cloth against the back of Dora's neck, but the back of his hand touched warm, invisible flesh under a thin skirt; Taslin's thigh. He jerked back, trying not to blush, and blinked Clearsight away. The Gift-Giver reappeared, regarding him with a mix of curiosity and amusement that reminded him all too much of Pevan's teasing.

Rel's cheeks heated, and he gritted his teeth. She was getting under his skin, and that was dangerous. He tried again, this time managing to apply the wet blanket to Dora's skin with a minimum of inappropriate contact. Dora stirred, turned slightly before Taslin's grip arrested her. If he could just get the dampness a little further down the Four Knot's back, she'd wake right up.

He glanced at Taslin in apology and regretted it. Beneath the graceful arch of her eyebrow, her eyes were bland, almost as he'd expect from a Wilder, except that a spark of humour danced there, and her smile was all too knowing. She gave him a sharp nod of permission - permission! Rel clenched his jaw to keep back an outburst. The Axtli was still out there, its form indistinct without Clearsight but still felt, a sense of First Realmspace itself under strain.

Keeping his eyes on Dora's face, trying not to think about Taslin, the warmth of her lap on the back of his hand, the sensual slide of her skirt, her arm close to his so that it raised a tingle of static in the hair at his wrist... he tried again. Keeping his eyes on Dora's face, watching for another stir that would bring her to wakefulness, he slid the blanket down the back of her dress.

She gasped, writhed, and Rel pulled back sharply, almost toppling back into the fire. His eyes met Taslin's for an unwelcome moment, and the Gift-Giver's amethyst stare brought a fresh burn to his face before she turned her attention to the wakening Four Knot. Rel turned, half-rolling away before the real, ordinary heat of the fire could burn him. Turning the wall, the night air cooled his face a little. A drop of sweat tickled his spine, sent a shiver through him. He cursed, but silently, wary of the monster only feet away.

Clearsight didn't clear his mind, but it did at least allow him to focus on a more immediate problem than Taslin's manipulations. As the Wilder exchanged urgent whispers with a bewildered, sleepy Dora, Rel opened his eyes and let the cold of Clearseeing flow into his face like the icy impact of standing under a waterfall.

The Axtli was barely recognisable, now a bristling black lump, its spikes all trained on Rel. It was as if each tiny needle had swelled and stretched until they'd merged together at the edges. And the spikes were still growing, reaching out towards him. He didn’t need Clearsight to see that the creature was close to noticing them; his eyes itched at the presence of it, until he had to blink back to normal vision.

This time, when his eyes met Taslin's, there was no teasing, no pretended humanity. Just the hard focus of desperation. She reached out a hand to him, and he grabbed it almost without thinking. The Axtli boiled into the croft, black fog that brought with it a wrenching sense of nausea. Then, suddenly, falling, tumbling, through where the floor should have been, and something caught him across the belly, flipping him over. Dora screamed in pain, drowning out Taslin's curse, and there was darkness.

No, not quite darkness. The fire was still there, dimmer than it had been, as if the Axtli had obscured it; the creature clouded the air less than an arm's length away. Rel's skin prickled. Why didn't it move? Why didn't it attack? Without Clearsight, the thing was only indistinct, unreadable, but he didn't dare activate his Gift in case the Axtli sensed the distortion.

"It's not as close as it looks." Taslin's sharp voice startled him, pressed into his back like a knifepoint. She'd stopped whispering, but the Axtli seemed deaf.

"What? What is this?" Rel turned, but behind him there was only darkness. The air was still in a way that the shelter of the ruin couldn't explain, and there was a faint, damp scent he couldn't quite place. Whatever it was, it left a rancid taste in his mouth, sloshing around in his thin, gruelish saliva.

"We're in a Sherim. I sensed it while we were waking Dora."

Dora still sounded half-asleep. "There's no Sherim near here." She finished with the soft moan of a yawn, and Rel thought he could make out the motion of her arms as she stretched.

"I don't pretend to understand it." This close to the Second Realm - if indeed they were close to the Second Realm at all - Taslin's speech became stiffer. With her acting hidden by the darkness, it was easier to remember what she was. "But it's still possible we haven't found every Sherim."

Rel looked back at the Axtli, dubiously. Could evading the creature be any worse than trying to navigate an unknown Sherim?

A whimper emerged out of the darkness, and Dora's voice cracked as she spoke. "What do we do?"

More than the black cloud of malevolence hunched by the fire, or the yawning void of the Sherim at his back - he could feel it now, tugging at his mind, testing his logic - it was the raw fear in Dora's tone that got to Rel. He shivered, trying to think of a way to comfort her while still confronting the problem. Nothing came except a few false starts that made him sound as if he was stammering.

"We get a little further away from the Axtli, first." Taslin sounded about as scared as a stone, and Rel fought down a hot surge of anger at his own weakness.

"Deeper into the Sherim?" Even to his own ears, Rel knew he'd failed; he couldn't manage more than a thready whisper. He was glad the two women couldn't see his face.

Darkness answered in a voice barely recognisable as the Gift-Giver's, merciless. "I can get us out again, with the benefit of your Clearsight."

A chill shot through Rel, and a pang of nausea followed it. "I can't See Clearly in a Sherim!"

"The alternative is to spend the rest of the night here and hope that daylight gives me enough light to work by." That was the contempt Rel was used to from Wildren. He gritted his teeth and glared at the gloom where Taslin must be. She could sneer at him all she liked, but Clearsight there and then could only make the situation worse.

Another whimper from Dora served only to underline their plight. Not much chance of any support from that quarter, then. At least Taslin was distracted for a moment; some of the uncanny warmth came back to her voice as she said, "Are you alright?"

"Headache." What the hell was wrong with her? So much for a Four Knot's duty to protect humans from Wildren. Dora grunted in pain and shook her head - somehow the Sherim, already gently tight around them, carried the motion to him. "Rel, I can't stay here long. It hurts."

"Why are you so afraid?" Directed at him like a thrown stone, Taslin's voice went back to alien tonelessness.

The Gift-Giver's mockery made opening his jaw to speak a trial. "You can't not know how dangerous this is. Sherim and Clearsight do not mix."

"If there was a less dangerous alternative, wouldn't I choose it?"

"Please, Rel..."

"I'm not asking you to risk anything I won't share. If you die, we're all lost."

"Alright!" Rel's outburst surprised him almost as much as the trembling of the Sherim suggested it did the women. At least they shut up. "Alright, I'll try. But I don't know what I'm looking for."

"Nor do I. Every Sherim is different." A reminder he didn't need, but at least Taslin didn't sound like she was instructing a child. If Dora had been herself, Rel knew she'd be lecturing fit to irk the pride of a mountain. The Gift-Giver finished, "Just keep a tight grip on your thoughts. If your attention wanders and you start applying First-Realm logic to anything, blink right away. That should keep you safe."

Automatically, he said, "I know." It wasn't true, but he wasn't going to let the Wilder think she'd taught him something useful. And anyway, if the Gift-Givers knew how to handle Clearsight in a Sherim, Rel should have heard about it in training.

He took a deep breath and the sound - all too coldly clear in the dead air of the Sherim - betrayed his nervousness in its tremor. Some way to die, humiliated in the darkness by his own breathing. Not that it should be shaming to be afraid in this situation, but he doubted the women would see it that way.

Against the muted quality of the firelight through the threshold of the Sherim, Clearsight was like opening a pair of eyelids he didn't have. In place of light, chaos and cold poured in. The Sherim was a tangle of silver threads, tinged blue or pink or purple by lights he couldn't see. Every thread was taut - it was this web that had transmitted Dora's trembling to him - but none were straight. Paradoxical, impossible, but Sherim were like that.

The maze of reflected glimmers dazzled, too complex for the eye to pick out patterns, even with the benefit of Clearsight. Dimly, Rel could sense the ceiling of the Sherim above him, a squashed dome rendered vast by the intricacy of everything within it. Dora, ahead, seemed only half there, as if her very fabric had tangled in the web. No, as if she was woven together with it. Perhaps that explained why she felt such pain. Only long training allowed Rel to suppress the wince that almost closed his eyes as he saw with sympathy how tightly the Sherim already held his Four Knot.

Beside her, the threads writhed and snapped around an invisible form that had to be Taslin, the only actual movement Rel could see. Instinct had him seeking to map the shape of her for a second before he realised it, and he forced himself to relax, let his eyes glaze and de-focus so that the image with its dangerous burden of First-Realm logic dropped away. Under the bridge of his nose, an ache pulsed, just enough to warn him of his building fatigue.

Some fold or twist of the Sherim put the image of the Axtli and the croft just to his left, even though by the lie and curve of the threads around him Rel could tell that the monster - and the way back to safety - was behind him. The creature was a cloud of needles again; three sets, all pointing identically at Dora, and yet two of the sets pointing beyond her and around through the convoluted structure of the Sherim to Rel and Taslin. By the length of the needles, the thing knew where they were, but could no longer identify them as food.

Rel resisted the urge to close his eyes before speaking. "What do you need me to see?"

"I'm going to start moving deeper into the Sherim, very slowly. Look ahead of me and see if you can see me dying." With the task right in front of her, there was no human fear in Taslin. Nor did any reluctance make her falter.

"How can I, when I can't see you?"

There was no mistaking the hissed curse that whispered through the net of the Sherim to him. "I'll make a light. Watch for it going out."

Put so bluntly and in a Wilder's flat tones, Taslin's statement became crushingly morbid. Rel felt himself grimace. "Wouldn't it be better to look for the path where you live?"

"The path on which we survive is likely to require some action on your part."

Which would block his Clearsight completely, maybe before they'd gotten anywhere at all. "Good thinking."

"Part of my training." Did the pattern of squirming threads around her settle a little? "This is how all the Sherim that have been were first mapped."

Another thing he should know already, if true. Still, it was reassuring to know the plan had worked in the past. Better not to ask how many of the hundreds of failed attempts to map Sherim had used this strategy.

No, that was his thoughts wandering again. Focus. "Okay. Go ahead."

A light, glimmering in one of those Second-Realm colours that wasn't quite yellow, appeared just above Taslin. Rel pushed his vision a little way into the future, watching the light move forward. Too far - all too easy to do - and the light winked out in stages, multiple overlapping lights disappearing into the sparkling background or fading as Taslin died in different ways.

He pulled back until his eyes rode time only a second or two ahead of the rest of him, feeling the whole Sherim pulling at his eyeballs, as if it threatened to tear them out. Gloved in ice, his eyes already felt detached from his body, but at least the discomfort had washed away awareness of the smell of the place. Off to the side, the Axtli's spines turned through no dimension the First Realm had words for as they tracked Taslin.

No, concentrate.

Taslin said, "Follow close. Anything could separate us."

Her light made no effort to move around any of the threads, but then with the way Taslin disrupted them perhaps she didn't need to. Dora walked - better not to think what on - straight through the tight bundle of silver strands, and though she moaned softly as she did, her pain didn't seem connected to the obstacles.

Still, Rel felt another surge of nervous nausea and a shiver as he reached out to touch the thread immediately in front of him. Though it looked cold and metallic, to the touch it was warm, the slick surface fleshy. Gruesome. His fingers tingled, just ever so slightly, at contact, then went through. The thread didn't snap, but Rel could feel it inside him, in between the bones of his hand, a light pressure and building pins and needles.

Eyes on the task. Taslin showed no sign of slowing to wait for him, and Dora was close on her heels. He pushed forward, watching the light, holding his Clearsight just that second ahead of him against the ache between his eyes. It was like leaning heavily on a spring, pressed into his forehead.

Lose focus, push out in the wrong direction, and the light spread out into a field, dimmer near danger, but too even and broad for him to tell where Taslin was. He struggled forward, wanting to look down at his feet - the floor felt uneven, treacherous - but knowing that was the surest way to lose contact with the Sherim and fall out, right next to the Axtli.

The light dimmed, and he called out, "Stop!"

Taslin adjusted whatever she'd been doing and tried again; this time, the light stayed.

With a scream, Dora vanished. The entire net of the Sherim shook, and the floor became elastic, stretching and bouncing under Rel so he stumbled. Reflex made him grab at the strand by his shoulder, but his hand went straight through it.

Mustn't fall over in a Sherim. A step that was half a leap got him his balance back, but the ground stayed unsteady and strange. Taslin shouted Dora's name. She hadn't planned this, then. Or she had, but she still needed his trust for something. Getting through the Sherim?

His first duty was to protect. Sorting the Gift-Giver out could wait. Find Dora, first. He turned to look behind, towards the threshold of the Sherim. Angles stretched, so that he might have turned all the way round by the time he caught up to what he wanted to look at.

And saw the last thing he wanted to see. Long, black spines, following the impossible twists of the Sherim's internal structure, reaching for him along what he knew had to be the shortest route. Clearsight at least told him how far away the Axtli was, let him judge how long he had. Seconds.

"Relvin! To me!" Taslin's voice, wild and high, was almost visible as the Sherim thrummed with harmonic echoes. The Axtli blocked any view that might have told him whether Dora was outside by the fire. He backpedalled, still close to falling, while the Axtli's spines stretched, reached.

Something closed over his chest, a tightness from right shoulder to just under left armpit, pressing him back into soft-but-sturdy flesh. He gasped, struggled, thought. Caught up; Taslin. At the edges of vision, threads of the Sherim writhed. Rel forced himself to breathe. Relaxation was too much to ask with the terrible spikes sliding silently at them. They picked up none of the Sherim's pink-and-purple lighting, and suddenly the rancid smell had a new, metallic edge; blood. Dora's?

With a wrench, Taslin leapt upwards - for relative definitions of upwards, at least - and there was a confusing moment of too many directions. Panic receded before his brain relaxed; why had the fear gone?

His fatigue headache had grown, spreading across his forehead, reaching for his temples. There was no sign of the Axtli. No, not quite; below - he had to be careful with that term; it was a bit too First-Realm for this deep in a Sherim - below them was a mat of parallel black lines, thin and perfectly straight. Rel could feel the Sherim on his skin now, tighter than clothing, cold where Taslin's embrace was warm.

Blushing again, he pulled himself off her as much as Sherim-wary prudence and her grip would allow. Still unable to see her, sight befuddled by the flapping of loose strings of Sherim, the task proved a challenge. Rel found he couldn't actually tell if he'd made the situation any better. Taslin wasn't letting go, either way.

Her breath was warm by his ear as she hissed, "Stay still!"

"What?"

"Be very careful. We're a lot deeper in the Sherim than we were." Her voice had a ragged edge, and Rel realised that not all the trembling he could feel was his. "I took a shortcut."

The Axtli slid along beneath them, emaciated. But Rel could See its spines, pointing deeper into the Sherim yet also all pointing out to the threshold. The tangled threads within the Sherim made a rough, fraying weave through and around the Axtli. Would it sense the roiling mess Taslin was making of the threads nearby? Rel tried to follow the line of a nearby strand, to see if it led down to the monster below, but the folds in the Sherim's structure made it impossible.

Taslin said, "Relax. Your tension may draw the Axtli's awareness."

Rel's attempt only brought a different kind of tension, a frown exchanged for a clenched jaw as he tried not to think about what they were lying on. If they fell out of the Sherim now, they'd fall right on top of the Axtli below. But then, if they didn't, it would make its way through whatever part of the Sherim Taslin had cut across - must learn how she did that, since shortcuts were supposed to be anathema to Children of the Wild - and come upon them.

Letting his thoughts wander while Clearseeing was a bad plan. The web within the Sherim made all too many shapes that he could pick out, that a careless thought turned into monsters. Focus, and if concentration alone wasn't enough, make something to focus on. "What do we do now?" He managed to keep his voice to a whisper, but Clearsight showed him the wet shimmer of the words slicing through the air for a moment - would Taslin recoil?

He didn't feel any flinch in her arm, still tight across his chest. Her whisper came back, "Wait for it to go past, then drop out of the Sherim. Dora should be out there waiting for us."

"That scream..."

"Yes, but I think it was just for her headache." If there'd been a human at the other end of the voice, Rel would have heard frightened uncertainty in it, perhaps even desperate hope. Tasteless to put on an act like that, but would a Wilder realise? Maybe she'd trained to navigate Sherim instead of training for the finer points of First-Realm manners.

"A headache doesn't make you scream." No point trying to disguise the grim edge in his voice. Let Taslin take offence if she wanted to.

"Shhh." Some subtle shift in her position told him to look down. The main body of the Axtli was gliding slowly past. Its spines all pointed forward or back, and Rel finally got a clear look at the creature within.

A hole, swirling with black-on-hungry-black patterns, and Clearsight showed the sucking vortex of the air - of Realmspace itself - that pulled at everything nearby. He could feel it through the tightness of the Sherim, he realised, now he knew what to feel for. Some trick of the light that wasn't light at all said that the hole, the Axtli, was spherical, at least for a Second-Realm value of 'sphere'.

There was no motion to its movement; no legs, no arms, the spines that must be eyes and ears and fingers all in one utterly static. It moved as if a statue on a cart. Or, perhaps - yes; Clearsight turned the spherical void into a marble, its surface so perfect that its roll was invisible.

Something tickled his eyelashes as it pressed onto his face, and no strength of will could keep him from blinking. Clearsight departed and only then did the light disappear. The pressure on his face was warm, a hand covering his eyes, but his nerves were so raw that he didn't notice the panic until it was past. Taslin had covered his eyes, forced him to break out of Clearvision.

With the front of his brain stunned numb by conflicting sensations - ache, cold, warmth, receding fear - he reconsidered his last thoughts, the details of what he'd seen. As he'd mused on marbles, the Axtli's spines had begun to thicken.

"Sorry. You were drawing its attention." Taslin's whisper came, barely louder than her breathing.

He tried to match it, but found his voice loud and clumsy in his own ears. "It's fine. Can we get out of here yet?"

"Another thirty seconds."

She took her hand away, but it was still night-time, and cloudy, moonless. Only the distant fire, somehow now high above them, shone muted by the Sherim's depths. Better not to twist around and try to get a look at their predator; doing so would only risk his place in the Sherim. Still, he could at least do something about Taslin's embrace.

She was a dim shape, felt as much as seen, and he seemed to be lying across her waist and hips, his head cradled in the crook of her elbow where her arm turned across to hold him. He tried to turn his shoulders, and sit up, but the Wilder kept tight hold.

"Let me go." He wasn't trying to sound belligerent, but the words came out as a harsh hiss.

"Stop fidgeting. I know it's not comfortable, but it's only another moment."

Rel was starting to understand why Dora got on so well with Taslin.

Immersed in darkness, every sense seemed muted. The sickly air was still; Rel realised he was holding his breath, decided to hold it a little longer. Under his shoulder, Taslin's chest shifted only slightly with each breath - just enough that he couldn't forget the femininity of her. Lips sealed, Rel wondered if the sound of his teeth grinding would carry outside his head.

"The way is clear. Brace yourself." Taslin held her voice so low Rel almost missed it.

They fell backwards, and the fall turned into a twisting, sliding sensation that all but threw the contents of Rel's stomach out of him - he gagged it back down, coughing - and then they were spilling out, upright but stumbling as feet hit the ground and there was a body there. Somehow, Rel managed to stagger into a leap that took him across the fire; Taslin fell to her hands and knees where she landed.

The fire was higher than it had looked from within the Sherim, and Rel beat embers from his trouser-legs, cursing. Then thought caught up; Dora.

She lay, clearly unconscious, facing the fire. That was the lip of the Sherim, then. Taslin turned, rising to a kneeling crouch, reaching for Dora, but already there was a dark, shapeless cloud around the back of her head. Rel's blood went cold even as he engaged Clearsight. The cloud became thick black spikes, shining in the firelight, stretching up from Dora's head as if they were coming out of her ear.

The Axtli fixed on all three of them, bristling with spines that promised unknown horror.

"Clearseer! First-Realm logic!" Taslin's shout broke his hypnotised terror. What did she mean?

No time to do anything but trust her. Find the shape that the spines made as they twisted through the threshold of the Sherim and back into ordinary dimensions. They could almost be tall grass, razor sharp and deadly to walk through.

He shook his head and tried again, keeping his mind off the thought of what those spines might do if they touched flesh. How sharp were they?

No, something spiky but harmless. Mother's pin-cushion. No, the shape was more like one he'd once seen Mrs. Tofarn using, an ugly thing that was supposed to be the shape of a dog's head. Yes, the shape fit. Rel concentrated-

- And leapt back with a yelp as Taslin swiped an arm through the air and a razor-edged gust of wind tore through the Axtli. The flinch made him blink - Clearsight lost - but the First-Realm image lingered. Severed and scattered pins bounced off Dora's arm, vanishing before they could roll to a stop. The Axtli made no noise, but there was no mistaking the way the dark shape receded behind Dora's head.

In the seized moment, Rel took stock. They needed to move Dora away from the Sherim, and fast. His head ached. The skin on his hands prickled, warning him he was too close to the fire, and he stepped sideways around it while Taslin gathered Dora's arms, began to lift her.

The moil of darkness burst into a fountain, black gouts shooting ten feet up before curving round and driving down at the women. Rel lunged, hand outstretched, and this close to a Sherim, his Gift became wild power. With Clearsight deactivated, he couldn't see the sheet of reality that scythed from his fingertips into the stream of Axtli, but the flow stopped, almost before Taslin had time to give a raptor-like scream.

In the dark beyond the crumbling wall, a forlorn bleat answered her. Trusting in his subconscious to work out the logic his front brain couldn't hope to grasp, Rel pushed against the Sherim, fighting against the Axtli almost bare-handed. Beneath him, Dora stirred, whimpered, began a soft moan. Taslin gasped, each shallow breath a dagger through the night air.

But whatever the Axtli's touch had done to her, it hadn't crippled her. She met his eyes, face unreadable but far from impassive. Then Rel felt the pressure against his hands lift as she turned her gaze on the darkness. His fingers tingled, not unpleasantly, as the bubble-skin edge of her Warding dropped through them onto the Axtli. Voice low, she said, "I've got it. Move Dora."

Rel knelt, trying to work out how to carry the Four Knot. If she woke up and he was holding her wrong, he'd be bearing the hand-print for a week. She might very well slap him regardless, but it was a risk he was going to have to take. Gingerly, he tried to roll Dora onto her back.

She spasmed, and Rel jerked back as she curled tight, letting out a prehuman howl. The black fringe of the barely-restrained Axtli moved with her.

Taslin cursed. "It's in her head!"

"Get it out!" Rel snapped, then caught himself. "No, hold it a moment. I have an idea."

"Make it fast," she said, through gritted teeth.

As it had sprayed out of the Sherim, the Axtli had been pitch black. And you use a rag soaked in pitch to make a torch, so pitch must burn. Not even sure what pitch was, Rel grabbed a stick from the fire, burning along half its length. Taslin's eyes were round with fear as she watched him. There was no way she could understand what he was about to do.

He said, "Let it go."

"You're sure it will burn?"

"First-Realm logic. Just shield Dora."

The Gift-Giver nodded, leaned back, and with a sharp gesture released the Warding. The Axtli sprang forth, and Rel told himself no, pitch sprang forth. He thrust out with the burning brand, felt the charred tip snap in the sticky, hard impact. Fire licked at the blackness, even as the top of the spray began to curve back to earth, back to claim them.

Pitch burns.

Every muscle in his body tense, Rel forced First-Realm logic onto what he saw. The Sherim twisted his efforts, but he concentrated, feeling the surge of heat as the flame caught. Then, with a whumph that washed his outstretched arm in boiling air, there was a fifteen-foot pillar of fire climbing into the night, turning, falling, sticky and deadly.

Rel jumped back, slapping at his smoking sleeve. Something very like light, but not quite, flashed as Taslin swiped aside falling fire, spraying it across the wall. Even burning to destruction, the Axtli - pitch, a fountain of pitch - made no sound, but the pitch hissed and spat as it flared out.

As panic faded, pain rose in its place. His head ached, both from tired muscles clenching his jaw and the logic-fatigue effort of making the Axtli burn. The hand he raised to knead his forehead stung with the onset of the inevitable burns. And he was cold. Cold even though he stood right next to the fire. Shaking, he met Taslin's eyes.

Her smile was weak, but warm. "Good thinking. Whatever it was you did."

"Thanks."



It took morning to reveal the mess they'd made. Rel found himself deeply glad of even the broken sleep snatched in singed blankets as he stepped out of the croft to relieve himself. The meadow below the ruin was littered with headless sheep corpses that left no space to think the Axtli a nightmare. The wind, if anything stiffer than the night before, brought the raw-meat smell up the hill, and Rel averted his eyes before he could look too closely at the red mess of the nearest ewe's neck.

Returning to the croft, he found Taslin had stirred in his absence. Numb, closer to nauseous than he wanted to admit, he gestured outside.

The Wilder actually managed to look sympathetic as she said, "The flock?" Rel found himself comforted, the sick tightness in his throat letting go. He dug his fingernails into his palm, fist clenched. She was still what she was. No Child of the Wild could understand the First Realm well enough to empathise with waking up to this kind of shock.

Still, at least anger had returned his power to speak. "It ripped the heads off the sheep. Not all of them, but..."

"It will have sensed their fear there." Taslin glanced across the ashes of the fire at the still-sleeping form of Dora. "How will she react?"

"She's pretty tough." Maybe tough enough not to throw up, at least. The Four Knot was about as far from squeamish as a woman could get. A sudden bitter thought pulled his brow down into a frown. "I don't know, though. Since you messed with her head, she's been..." He waved a hand vaguely.

Taslin waited politely, but Rel couldn't find the right word. Eventually, the Wilder said, "Would it help if I told you what's happened to her? I realised last night what it is."

"What is it?" Would she lie to him? Even a lie might help, in the long run.

The Gift-Giver actually went as far as to pantomime a nervous swallow. Rel resisted the temptation to call her out on the bad taste of the gesture. She couldn't really think he was fooled. She said, "The Sherim we were in last night is in Dora's head."

"What? That's impossible!"

"'What we know is that we know nothing', Clearseer. It was our saying before it was yours." Taslin shook her head sadly. "The Gift must have become unseated inside her and come into physical contact with her brain."

Rel sat down, aware that his legs were giving him no choice in the matter. "The Gift?"

"A Gift is a tiny piece of the Second Realm, lodged inside the head of the Gifted. Most of the Gift-Giving process is concerned with making sure it is isolated from any First Realm-matter. One Gift by itself shouldn't be enough to cause a Sherim to form, but with a second..." She tailed off. Dimly, Rel realised he was letting himself be taken in by her performance, but he was too stunned to stoke his anger and rise above it.

"What do we do about it?" The words twisted through the air, a razor-sharp silver ribbon in the steam of his breath. Dora might be sleeping, but her Sherim - if Taslin was to be trusted - was far from quiescent. The Wilder looked down at Dora, her eyes watering. "First we need to see if she can wake up."

***

Next episode

Monday, 20 February 2012

The Second Realm episode 3 preview

The next Second Realm episode, 'A Hole in Her Mind' will be available sometime this Saturday. Here's a little something to whet your appetite:


---

There was something out there, where she pointed. He didn't see it directly, and it wasn't the dreaded still patch that marked out a Negation, but the patterns were all wrong for the First Realm. There was a sense of motion, but it seemed to follow his gaze, so that each time he moved, he saw the same vague shape.

Ice seeped through the centre of his face, and for a moment the flickering shadow in a crack in the stonework was a maw, spreading black toothless jaws to engulf the nearest stone. Greater clarity, and the thing outside the walls resolved just a little; a cloud of needles, glossy and black, the firelight spraying tiny glimmers across their million facets. Every needle pointed straight at him, straight at his face, but each bore a shadow trained on Taslin.

Thought of the Wilder pressed up all too close against his neck made his concentration flicker, and there was a sudden sharp pain stabbing through the cold of his eyes, as if something had reached in and pinched his pupils. Panic threatened, and reflex pulled him ahead in time, following with horror as the Axtli's spines shot out and slid into his eyeballs. For just a moment, he had the sense of being sucked out of his own skull, and then control returned. Rel pulled his vision back to the present, fighting to keep his breath steady.

---

Available Saturday for free here and on Smashwords, or priced $.99 on Amazon!

Here's the hub for previous episodes.

Monday, 13 February 2012

Things I hate about Valentine's Day

I might possibly have chosen a deliberately misleading title to get the attention (and initial sympathy) of all you haters... ;)

I like Valentine's day, or at least I like the idea of taking a day out to celebrate romance. I'm quite a romantic person (ironically, since I'm in the habit of dating girls who aren't and thus my love-life is a barren wasteland whose only landmarks are impact craters). But there are three things that *really* get on my proverbials in the first half of February, with respect to V-day. (I should probably add at this point that I'm single and have been for almost 3 years. All reasonable offers accepted >.>)

First off, I'll agree with the haters this far: the racks of pink and red, fluffy, heart-patterned tat in EVERY SHOP EVERYWHERE get tedious. This year - and quite possibly every year, though I don't remember noticing last year - Tesco put out a display of 'sexy' lingerie in their clothes section, which is a deeply depressing thing. Who (on either side of the gender divide) is going to want supermarket-quality clothing to be involved in a gift that celebrates their love?

That's the obvious, non-controversial one out of the way. Hopefully we're all agreed thus far. On to the arguments!

The second thing that really bugs me is the term 'singles awareness day'. Not only does it sound stomach-turningly bitter (and this from a guy who likes to suck lemons), it also completely misses the point. True, it misses the point to the exact extent that the targeted marketing and tat shops do in stuffing Valentine's down our throats, and as a reaction to that it's fair enough.

But since there's never been a formal definition of what Valentine's is about celebrating, it's up to you how you take it. And if it's up to you, then there's no good reason to take it as targeted on making you feel miserable. You might just as easily take it as having no relevance to you at all (assuming you're single - try this while in a relationship at your peril, depending on your other half), or even as celebrating something you don't personally have right now but have every chance of getting at some point and should thus feel glad exists in the world.

Yeah, have I mentioned I'm an optimist, and a near-terminally-annoying one at that? ;)

My point is this: if you're feeling bad because of Valentine's day, it's because you're putting a meaning on it that's making you feel bad. Society is constantly pushing us to feel bad about everything - the way we eat, the way we exercise (or don't), our money or lack thereof, the people we do or don't like - and we manage most of the time. Valentine's day is just a slightly more focussed version of that (and given how bad the capitalist establishment seems to think I should feel about being single normally, V-day just doesn't seem that much worse than any other day).

This is all turning a bit self-empowerment-ish, so I'll move on to the final issue, the one that really drives me up the wall. This is the argument, often presented by otherwise intelligent, reasonable people, that we shouldn't celebrate Valentine's Day because 'you should celebrate your other half every day'. There is SO much wrong with this argument.

Let's begin with the most obvious point, shall we? If this argument is sound, then it must go for any day that celebrates important loved ones. So, for example, mother's day and father's day. I mean, you should surely be as happy that your parents exist - since they, y'know, made you - as you are about your other half, right?

Well, OK, maybe you had crappy parents, and you don't want to celebrate them (in which case I very much doubt you're celebrating mother's and father's day anyway). There is a break in the analogy here, because if you're romantically attached to someone you hate, you have the option of ditching them, whereas you can't change the fact of who gave birth to you.

Let's make it a bit simpler then. There's a day every year where you celebrate being alive - your birthday. Now, surely, if there's one thing you should celebrate everyday, it's being alive. Therefore, you shouldn't celebrate your birthday because you should be celebrating being alive every day. Get ready to eat a lot of cake and wear a lot of party hats!

(Before we move on, it's worth pointing out that the same goes for Christians in respect of Christmas and Easter - why aren't we celebrating the birth and ascension of THE MESSIAH every day? - and for members of other religions on their more important holy days).

As often happens, when you push the argument to extremes, the problem starts to be obvious. Let's stick with birthdays for a bit. Imagine if you did celebrate your birth every day. How much washing up would all those parties generate? Never mind the fact that everyone else would be at their own birthday parties, so you'd be partying alone. Or you could share a party with a bunch of other people, but everyone knows shared birthday parties suck.

(meta-ironic aside: my parents met because their birthdays are only a few days apart and there was some sort of combined 21st party while they were at university).

The point I'm making here is that there's a difference - and a big one - between 'celebrating' and merely 'feeling happy about, cherishing and not neglecting' something.

To whit, the OED definition: "publicly acknowledge (a significant or happy day or event) with a social gathering or enjoyable activity".

To celebrate your lover everyday, you would have to do something Valentines-y every day. At the same time, you've also got to fit in your daily birthday party, daily phone call and card to each of your parents, religious celebrations and everything else as well. Bizarrely, you've probably got to celebrate a Valentines and a wedding anniversary separately, every day. All that, and fitting in time to work to earn the money for all that partying, never mind the cooking and cleaning it will involve.


When people say you should celebrate being alive every day, they don't actually mean 'celebrate' at all. They mean 'feel good about'. And I'm with you that far - life is full of things to feel good about and there are far worse ways to spend time than counting your blessings. But that's not actually celebrating, and it doesn't eliminate or satisfy the reason for celebrating.


Simply put, we celebrate because it's fun. It's fun to party. Cake is tasty. So is booze. Twister (as anyone who's seen the photos of me on Facebook will attest) is hilarious. To those of us of a romantic bent, it's fun to spend a day being shamelessly romantic (though that doesn't give us the right to shove it down the throats of those less romantic, single or otherwise, and I apologise if, on either of the V-days in my quarter-century that I've actually been non-single, I ever did so).


So if you don't want to celebrate Valentine's day, because you're not into that kind of thing (and your partner doesn't object ;D), by all means, don't. Save the money. De-incentivise the corporations that load every high street with godawful plushies. Stay subdued and dignified in your happiness with your partner. But please don't throw around this tediously pious, self-righteous piece of drivel, particularly as part of an attempt to convince me and my fellow romantics that in celebrating V-day we are evil and engaging in psychological abuse (which is the connotation, if we look closely, of the 'singles awareness day' terminology).


You're quite welcome to ignore us. One day out of the year, we won't mind. We understand we're annoying. As far as the use of this argument goes, the feeling's mutual, and we're only going to ignore it anyway.

Friday, 3 February 2012

Lies, Damned Lies, and...

Right, I have to be careful here. I have a housemate who goes mad every time I say 'lies, damned lies, and statistics' because the fundamental basis of human knowledge is statistical.

Now, this is true. That doesn't, however, mean that 90% of the statistics we see in everyday life aren't either misleading or outright fabrications (this statistic being of the latter category, and I apologise for the statistical inevitability of this joke...)

There's one statistic in particular that I've seen knocking around the debate about self-publishing which really bothers me. It's usually quoted (as, for example, here) as 'most indy authors will sell less than 100 copies of their ebook(s)'. I haven't done a lot of research, but all the uses of it that I've found have linked back to this Amanda Hocking blog post (which, it must be said, is part of the canon of 'really influential bloggery about self-publishing' and a must-read for all authors - I'm not picking fights and I'm not really criticising Hocking for using the figure, I just want to establish some sense of perspective on it), where it's phrased as 'more people will sell less than 100 copies of their books self-publishing than will sell 10,000 books'.

The stat bugs me because it gets thrown around a lot by people trying to talk down self-publishing, or at least talk up the status quo as it was about 5 years ago. Quite often when I hear it, I get the sense people are trying to be discouraging, and the ambiguity of the statistic really puts my back up. It's true that most people aren't going to sell a huge number of books self-publishing, but then neither are most people going through traditional publishing (equally, the people who are going to be discouraged by numbers? They aren't real writers and we don't want them anyway (I'm joking. Sorta)). It feels like, whatever the provenance of the statistic, it's being used in a misleading way, and it bugs me enough that I want to do a proper analysis on it.

So, first things first, let's start with the relationship between the common misquote and Ms. Hocking's version. The Hocking version absolutely does not imply that most indie authors sell less than 100 books, whether or not that's true. It could just as easily mean that for every author who sells >10,000 books, there are two who sell <100 and three who sell 100<x<10,000; the majority of authors thus selling between 100 and 10,000.

Another flaw with the misquote is that it's almost always put in terms of ebook sales, whereas what Hocking said was very definitely 'books'. In another context, this would be a minor shift, but in the modern context, we have to remember that 'self-publishing' has been around for the better part of a century (I don't know enough publishing history to know when the current 'trad publishing' paradigm which we understand 'self-publishing' in contrast to emerged, but it's certainly been around since the 20s or 30s), but digital self-publishing has existed less than 20, and only carried any weight at all for less than 10 of those years.

There are two points here. The first is that the Kindle-based self-publishing paradigm we're now mainly interested in is all of about 4 years old and has only been big for something like two of those, so most books published within it haven't completed anything like a product life-cycle. The second is that if Hocking's figure takes account of previous self-publishing paradigms - and it sounds to me like it does - then we have to remember how different life was for self-publishers before the internet.

Forty years ago, if you self-published a book, it was all but impossible to get it into bookstores, impossible to get major review coverage, and the only people you could really sell to were family and friends. Success - and there were success stories even then - depended on your family and friends being so impressed they persuaded their friends to buy your often poorly-printed and bound book through potentially arcane delivery systems.

Selling less than a hundred copies sounds almost inevitable in that situation, doesn't it? How many friends do you have? How many of them would still be your friends if you tried to hard-sell them a novel?

Thank Heaven, then, that we don't live in that situation anymore (and by 'we', I mean those of us fortunate to be born in the wealthiest and most privileged parts of the world). I am no marketing guru, but I can now tweet a promotional message to almost 1,350 people, many of whom can and sometimes even do pass it along to thousands more. And any of them can buy my books with a couple of mouse-clicks and have them right there on Kindle or computer in a matter of minutes. Never mind that the overheads are much smaller, so I can keep my price wayyyy low.

Now, despite all I've said, I'm still prepared to accept that the two statistics we're talking about might be true. It might be true that most self-publishing authors have sold less than 100 books. It might even be true that most post-Kindle digital self-publishing authors have sold less than 100 books. But it might also not be relevant.

The point about time-frame pops up again here. My interest in self-publishing can be dated to the first part of Konrath and Eisler's 'Be The Monkey', which appeared about three weeks after Hocking's blog post, and self-publishing (in the modern sense) was even younger and smaller then than it is now. That month, March last year, probably does more or less mark the point that Kindle self-publishing went from a good opportunity to the obvious path (okay, there's a debate to be had about whether it's the best path, but I chose the word 'obvious' for a reason and it's a question for another time). It marks the end of the first phase of 'the revolution' - to whatever extent there is a revolution - but we've spent the whole of the last year listening to stories of upheaval right across the publishing business.

The point is that, even if the hundred books thing was true this time last year, it might not be now, and even if it is, we don't understand the context in which that statistic emerged well enough to know what it means. Things are too much in flux. Not knowing the research that produced the figure makes evaluating it impossible, but here are a couple of things I think might be undercutting its relevance.

First, something that I've seen mentioned but have seen absolutely no numbers on at all is the idea of the one-book writer. The person who's nursed some idea for a novel, or journal, or memoir or whatever all their life, then finally sits down and writes it for the sake of getting it out of their head. If I were in this position, a quick Kindle release would be an obvious step, just to make sharing the thing with friends and family easier.

So there may be a bunch of these people around (the one time I can remember anyone saying anything about the numbers, they said there were a lot of them, and while it was someone from the publishing biz, I think it was also someone largely pro-self-publishing). And these people are not aspiring to be professional authors. If someone is trying to persuade you not to hang your hopes of a professional writing career on Kindle self-publishing, then a statistic which includes these one-book folk is distorted and irrelevant. I have nothing against the one-book writer, but they're a different tribe, doing something very different to us.

The other distorting factor, one that would be almost impossible to eliminate from a statistic of this kind (and thus ultimately one that casts doubt on the viability of the statistic as a whole), is that lots of people give up far too easily. An acquaintance of mine (who will remain nameless) published a novella, only to take it down and give up on the whole self-publishing approach less than a month later due to low sales.

Now, given that 'Heaven Can Wait' was up for all of 4 months before I pulled it, I maybe don't have much of a leg to stand on here, but I didn't depublish it because of low sales (though it only sold 10 copies in that time), and I haven't given up on self-publishing. In fact, if I get to count free downloads of short stories, the Second Realm already takes me well past my first hundred (okay, I don't get to count free downloads ;D).

I think, though, that there are a lot of aspiring professionals who see the success of people like Hocking and Konrath, jump on the bandwagon expecting fast results, and give up very quickly in disappointment. I doubt many first-time publishers can shift 100 books in less than 3 months, and that's a long time to keep faith with a dream in the face of constant disappointment. Success, particularly success on the Hocking scale, is a matter of years of dedication and hard work.

People who give up because of low sales, ultimately, aren't selling badly because it's hard to shift ebooks. Their sales stay low, dragging the average way down, because they give up. But they still feature in a statistic like the ones we're talking about. To omit them (or at least show their relative irrelevance to the possibility of success as a self-publishing career writer), you have to give a much more complicated statistic to do with rates of sales in particular months after publication.

If you're looking to make a statistical argument against self-publishing, what you need is this; a calculation that shows the average income generated by an ebook at the various stages of its life cycle. So, how much does it make in its first month? How big is the difference between the first-month performance of a debut author as against an established midlister or bestseller? What's the average for a 6-month and a 2-year period? How long is an ebook going to have significant sales for?

That last question is a particular issue; the pro-ebook camp have repeatedly argued that ebooks are 'long-tail' publishing - people keep buying ebooks for a long time after publication. Ebooks certainly have a longer tail than books on the shelves of a bookshop, but we really don't have any good data about how long their life cycles are.

The point I'm getting round to is that we seriously can't know yet what the average performance of a self-publishing author is. So whether or not the statistics discussed above are accurate, don't let them discourage you; the only people who fail at self-publishing are those who give up.

Wow, this post ended up long. I hope it's been encouraging, though.